The Power of Hate & Pardon

Sharing a story by Paulo Coelho that is so appropriate today

The Power of Hate & Pardon

"It’s very difficult. But there is no choice: if you don’t pardon, then you’ll think about the pain they caused you and that pain will never go away. I’m not saying that you have to like those who do you wrong. I’m not telling you to go back to that person’s company. I’m not suggesting that you start seeing that person as an angel or as someone who acted without any hurtful intentions. All I am saying is that the energy of hate will take you nowhere, but the energy of pardon which manifests itself through love will manage to change your life in a positive sense.”

“I have been hurt many times.”

“That’s the reason that you still bear within yourself the little boy who cried hiding from his parents, the boy who was the weakest in his class. You still bear the marks of that frail little boy who could never find a girlfriend and was never good at sports. You haven’t managed to chase off the scars of some injustices they committed against you during your life. But what good does that do you? None at all. Absolutely nothing. Just a constant desire to feel sorry for yourself for being the victim of those who were stronger. Or else dress up like an avenger ready to inflict more wounds on those who hurt you. Don’t you think you’re wasting your time with all that?”

“I think it’s human.”

“It’s certainly human. But it’s neither intelligent nor reasonable. Respect your time on this Earth, understand that God has always pardoned you, and learn to pardon too.”

After this conversation with J, which took place just before I traveled to spend 40 days in the Mojave desert in the United States, I began to understand better the boy, the adolescent, the hurt adult I once was. One morning, going from the Valley of Death in California to Tucson in Arizona, I made a mental list of everyone I thought I hated because they had hurt me. I went along pardoning them one by one and six hours later, in Tucson, my soul felt so light and my life had changed much for the better.
- Paulo Coelho

Dreams : Ideas Flowing Like...

I find myself sleeping in a very large bedroom. My bed, a large four-poster California King with a very cozy down comforter, looks tiny in this massive master bedroom. The master bedroom was very large and also had a beautiful wood ceiling. The walls are fine silk wallpaper and the floor is a beautiful bamboo hardwood finish. The bed, in the room, was on the right 1/3 of the room with the rest of the room furnished as a large sitting area.

As I lay there dreaming, I get the sensation of something stepping on my toes. It feels like the tiny feet of my bird Rico. Every Sunday morning, when he is let out of his cage, he flies upstairs and into my bedroom.

He jumps off my toes, walks up my leg, steps on my stomach and makes his way across my chest. This is his usual path on his way to see my face. Standing at the edge of the comforter, which I have tucked under my chin, he sits there looking at me. I am now awakened by the noise Rico makes as he repeatedly turns his head side to side to get a better look at me, with both of his eyes.

I open my eyes, and Rico is startled. He chirps and then flies off. As he flies off, there is a green, orange & brown trail behind him. At first, I thought -what the heck? - but it was green, orange & brown and its trailing as he flies circles around the room. "Hey! Wait a second, green, orange & brown?" I immediately sit up on the edge of the bed & look down at the floor where its dropping. It is tiny little lovebirds with green plumage & orange cheeks walking all over the floor. I mean tiny! They are only about a 1/2 tall and there are so many of them!

This is weird! Tiny little birds walking around with a few brown worms to boot. I am totally shocked by this and I charge out of the room to get the camera! "Nobody is going to believe this! I need some evidence." I charge down the stairs & oddly enough, my wife is sleeping on the mid-span on this beautiful grand staircase. At the time, I didn't think much of it and just kept going. But when I came charging back, she was gone.

The house was a very beautiful Spanish-style mansion - felt like one of the homes I've done. The living room where my camera was, had a 14' tall pecky cypress ceiling, marble floors and the walls were a fine Venetian plaster finish. The room was one of my designs and the ceiling was finely detailed with cross beams and very ornate trim.

When I came back to the bedroom, the raised-paneled mahogany door was closed and the lower left hand corner was spray-painted with an enamel paint. The fresh baby-poop colored paint is dripping down the wall and door and spilling onto the beautiful bamboo hardwood floor. I step over it anyway and enter the room. In entering the room, I find this room feeling weird now. "I would never design the bed right in front of the door?" I question, but soon forget this inquiry and remember what I was doing.

To my surprise, there are no little birds anymore. The only thing I see is a few brown worms coiled up like a spring. I bend down to take a macro shot of the tiny worms, when I notice the noise in the other end of the room. Instead of getting up, I look thru the space under the bed & notice lots of legs & activity in the other side of the room. I get up and there, where the sitting area used to be, now sits several drawing tables with people bustling around. It looks like a brainstorming meeting waiting on the chief art director.

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So you know what comes next... my interpritation of the dream:

OK so birds flying are symbols of communication and ideas. Over on DreamMoods.com : To see a bird in your dream, suggests that a message is being conveyed to you. Birds in history are also messangers. The fact that they are circling me means, to me, that my ideas are flowing. Also the fact that the bird is pooping other birds means to me that ideas are really flowing and more communication is being generated all around.

I saw the rooms in very vivid detail so the reason I saw the living room & master bedroom this way is because this is what I do for a living. I design homes. Everything centered around this house - around my design. Then finally I discover (that in my own room) there are many people bustling around and are even having a 'brainstorming' session.

So to wrap all this together, Ideas (creating, designing) are flowing like crazy all around me. My designs are the center of where all this is happening and there are people waiting to brainstorm with me. To create new ideas and have them flow all around.

Funny enough - or maybe this is why I am interpreting the dream this way - is that I just resolved to take my design ideas and spread them a round. I just created new opportunities to share them with people around other countries and share my ideas for luxurious living. Creating spaces that inspire and surrounds the occupants with luxurious environments to fill their souls.

There was one part that seemed off. When I left the room, I returned to a spray-painted door (ruined beautiful mahogany door) dripping on the bamboo floor; the room layout was off; no birds in the room and only brown coiled worms.

So this seems to be a word of caution in the message.

To me this means to keep my eye on the ideas. Keep them flowing & don't get distracted by the 'brown worms.' Not worry or get too focused on proving ("evidence") of anything to anybody. Just do it as my heart tells me so and for the fulfillment of people's soul. Stepping up and being 'the art director' they are waiting for, will ultimately be the fullest expression of who I am and will fill my soul.

Visitaion : #15 Confirmed

Today my wife got a call that Julito passed away. This confirms the premonition I had on the 15th.

We went to visit the family & when we got there I got the confirmation of my visitation dream. The family was at peace & they were complete with the way Julito passed away. They were not crying over the loss, but were praising God for not letting him suffer and live in a long vegetated state.

Luis even shared with us that 10 years ago, Julito got ill and was ready to die. Luis' son was about to be born & Luis asked God to keep Julito around a little while longer so that he can be with his grandson. He thanked God for the additional time Julito had to spend with the family & the grandson.

They were now OK with him passing and the time had come for him to be with God. They were OK because in their eyes God had given them a sign at the hospital. A flock of pigeons started gathered outside his hospital room window the evening that he was taken to Hospice. Grays on one side, whites on another & a reddish one in the middle. Even the nurses commented on how odd that was. They've never seen the birds before today.

This was the case for a few days. But on the day Julito was to pass, the birds flew away an hour after his passing.

I'm Human Too...

i found myself at the foot of the I-95 off ramp & I am debating giving a homeless man some money. I immediately thought he's a wino, a bum - he's going to waste it on whatever BS - I think. So I said God - no judgement. I will give just because.

So the test I gave God was : if the light turns red then I will give him money. If not - then oh well... So of course! the light turns red & I stop. I open the window & call this guy over to give him a buck.

He comes over with a big smile on his face & humbly says thank you. He immediately changed my mood. He also tells me "God bless you" and says that his sign got ruined.

"I need it to tell my story." he adds.

So I asked him what is your story. "I am just a homeless man" he says "you could even call me a bum. I drink, yes I may be a wino, but I am also human. Your dollar will help me to stay alive another day. Thanks Lord."

This was a sobering thought. He was repeating the words I was using to judge him & he reminded that God does listen & talks with us! Only we choose when we want to listen to Him.

Today is the Day

Today is the day!! TR called me and requested time to speak with me about SM. I am a little nervous now but it is time to "face the music" (as the saying goes) and deliver to her, the message entrusted in me.

TR is a friend with whom I have shared about my 'abilities' She knows what it is I do and her first question was: "Did SM communicate with you?"

"Oh-boy" was my first thought, but this is what my dream w/SM said would happen. I shared with her that yes, I have seen him prior to his passing. "Was he wearing a dark shirt w/stripes & a Khaki slacks that night?" was her next question. "Yes, I seem to remember he was..." I replied wondering - that's an odd question. But accepted that this gave her a sense of peace in knowing the answer.

"I ask only because I have not seem SM in a few weeks and the night of his accident he was on his way to my house to spend the weekend with me..." She paused for a minute & I asked her what she was thinking. "I gave him that clothes and that night, I woke up at 1am because I dreamt he was waving goodbye - wearing that clothes." As she said these words she broke down crying. "It's my fault! If he wasn't on his way to see me he would not have died..."

"Don't say that TR, don't you ever believe that! It was his time to go..." I consoled her with a firm tone of voice. "It was the way it needed to be and there is nothing you nor I could have done to have it be different!"

"How can you be sure of that?" She questioned me as she stopped crying.
She asked me to tell her what I saw. As I'm telling her this, she stops me. "No, tell me what else did you see?" So I shared with her the experience I had of SM that night and I shared how I saw him. That his spirit started to leave his body during the middle of the seminar. I saw his spirit ascended and finally leave as he was being acknowledged in front of his peers and how he left complete, that moment, even before the accident.

"He was gone even before the accident?"

"Yes TR," I assured her "his spirit had to go & all that was left was for his physicality to complete & go to rest." This seemed to put her at ease a bit.

Well, showtime is here! this is the moment SM spoke about and I could feel her hurting heart yearning for peace. I relayed the message I got from SM:

That because of her love, he can go complete. She fulfills and completes what was not there for him. It was her love for him that allowed him to be fulfilled."

Having been loved and being 'love' was important for him in order to complete. And she gave him that.

This seemed to calm her soul and seemed to put her at ease. We continued to talk for hours and now her tone of voice was peaceful. She needs to grieve, but can now do so knowing that it was his time. Not worrying, that the accident took his life before he was ready.

We will never be ready to go, but our soul knows when our time comes.

Seeking out Inspiration

Wanted to share some quotes that have inspired me today. Inspiration comes not from waiting for it to show, but from seeking it out. Today I seek out inspiration and am inspired by what showed up.

A few quotes by Alphonse de Lamartine...

1. "A conscience without God is like a court without a judge."


2. "Experience is the only prophecy of wise men."


3. "Habit with it's iron sinews, clasps us and leads us day by day."


4. "Limited in his nature, infinite in his desire, man is a fallen god who remembers heaven."


5. "Poets and heroes are of the same race, the latter do what the former conceive."


6. "Private passions tire and exhaust themselves, public ones never."


7. "Providence conceals itself in the details of human affairs, but becomes unveiled in the generalities of history."


8. "Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated."


9. "The people only understand what they can feel; the only orators that can affect them are those who move them."


But my most favorite of all...


10. "To love for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic."

So what I am inspired by is that I can be larger then I know myself to be. I aspire to be infinite in my desires and be closer to God in my actions. I can love for love's sake...

The Soul's Purpose

I'm still thinking of SM & his passing. He passed February 8th to be exact. I was working in his group to create an event and in the process of creating the event I learned a lot from him. The event is going to start on the 26th and I wanted to back out, because SM would not be there. But you know what - it would not honor SM if I do back out. So therefore I am moving forward anyway. He would have told me to do that anyway.

There are many things that I will have as a memory of him - thanks SM for the generosity - but one thing that he always said, sticks with me the most...

"We as human beings are always given by the little voice that runs in our heads. Do you want to have an extraordinary life? Well then - thank that little voice for sharing and then get on with the task at hand - fulfilling on our soul's purpose!"

--SM

The task at hand IS fulfilling on our soul's purpose. We are driven to be bigger then we know ourselves to be. We are driven to wonder what else is out there.

The one thing that I allow to stop me is wondering if I can do it.

Well it's time to stop wondering and start living larger then I know myself to be. In the memory of SM, I am getting on with my soul's purpose. And I am taking on being bigger then I know myself to be on this event.

This I do to honor SM's stand and the space he leaves wide open.

A Change in Everyday Conversations

Over the last couple of months I've noticed a change in the typical everyday conversation friends are having with me. Friend's attitutes have been changing, yes the economy has something to do with that, but people are talking differently.

A few years back conversations I was a part of or hear, people mostly talked about the things they have - a new IPod, Blackberry, Iphone, new car, new house, new projects, etc. Then over the last year mostly it has been negative conversations about how bad the economy is. People were fearful of losing their things and money - rightfully so! I am one of them, so don't think I'm critisizing, just commenting on what Im seeing.

Then in the last few months I saw a big shift! I'm hearing a different type of conversation. People are sharing of how they are dealing with the economy. One friend said:

"We are not going out as much as we used to. On the weekends, the kids used to go to the movies with their friends. My husband & I used to go out to dinner or the theater. Now we are staying home and playing board games."

Another friend shared of how life has changed for him.

"I used to go out and hang out with the guys. The kids used to do sleepovers. Now I am spending more time with the kids at home. We are actually having a sit down dinner every nights & I'm having conversatiosn with the kids."

Sure these are all responds to the circumstances of how the economy is affecting everyone, but the underlying commitment I'm hearing is of simplicity. People are going back to the simple things in life. Another friend shared:

"We are loosing everything we've had. The bank wants to reposses my car and I've had to sell my jewelry to pay the bills. But you know what I am happier now they I used to be with all that stuff. We always worried if the stuff would be stolen, If I had the same car my neighbor had. Now all that I am concerned with is the well being of my husband & the kids."

Wow! I've only been focasing on the bad side of this economic downturn, but there is always something good, or something to get out of any failure. I am getting that it is an adjustment where we can go back to what is really of value in our lives - the people around us!

Mystic Journey (Cont.)

So finally crossing this soggy bog, I am now free to find my home in the country.

Waiting there for me is my family.

The days pass and finally I reach my home. As I approach the house, I feel this energy field that is different that anything I've ever experienced before.

The background glows bright and the air is thick with a mist. The house glows as well and almost seems to be floating. This gives me a very ethereal feeling.

I find myself standing outside and unable to enter. Almost as if I'm standing at the window between this world and the other. She stands at the window and waits for me to approach. The space between us is as intangible as air yet so real that I can almost reach over that threshold and hold her hand. But this I will never do.

We talk for a while and she completes the conversation by saying "You must go! This time and space is no longer your home. It can no longer be yours. Return to your new home."

I feel a warm, internal heat filling my body and my feet no longer touch the ground. She smiles at me and I feel a sense of joy and peace flowing from her. Her peace fills my soul and I realize that she is right. I am no longer of that time and space.

"Valhalla... I am coming."

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This dream comes full circle. In the First Part I do not accept the fact that I am at Valhalla. In the second part, I try to escape the inevitable outcome and run thru the clearing back across the River Styx crossing over the valley.

Now in the third part, I find her. She enlightens me of where I am and that I have crossed an ethereal plane thru which I cannot return. Her peace shows me that it is OK to return to my place as one of the chosen ones at Valhalla.

How does this relate to my present day reality? First I love mythology & Led Zeppelin therefore that symbolism. Well I have been living in the past. I have been mourning for over 8 years and that has kept me from continuing on my path. Now it is time to complete that. I have allowed the loss of my mother, my father-in-law, my mother-in-law, Pedro, Jennifer, Baby Grace and several others to eat away at who I am. I have allowed parts of me to die with them. I have lost vitality, passion for life and have dwelled in sadness for too long. Lamenting the past will not let me move forward.

Today the light at the clearing is filling me with peace. Today I am committed to living a life that is full of Passion, Love and most of all Joyfulness. This is what I choose to live this day forward.

Mystic Journey

Last night I had a very interesting dream. The dream was very vivid, almost lucid and most definitely sequential. A lot like my Bella Mercedes dream, this is definitely an Epic-type Dream. The dream was spread out thru several different moments from which I felt like I woke up several times during the night. As I fell asleep again, the dream would just pickup where I left off last. Also the dream was accompanied by several songs.

The dream started with me riding my horse thru the Nordic countryside. I see myself as a lone horseman from Scandinavian folklore in a hurry to complete my journey from the end of a battle. Like Led Zeppelin's song says: "Valhalla, I am coming..." (MP3) I felt lost in this forest for what seemed like months. Finally, out of the corner of my eye, I see light coming from a clearing in the distance. I make my way towards the clearing and the imagery, sounds and environment change.

The feeling I got in this part of the dream is a Celtic mysticism. The music running in my head still feels like Led Zeppelin-esque (MP3)

At the edge of the clearing I see a beautifully lush valley. I am no longer on horse back and I find myself walking. I am now wearing soft leather-laced sandals. Walking for what felt like hours, I must complete crossing this valley and I reach the edge of a river. I see myself dipping my feet into the river, stepping on moss covered rocks.

This time instead of running towards something, I find myself running away from something. There is a strong need to cross the river but I must rest for the night. Tomorrow will be another way.

The morning mist is laying very low, kissing the top of the trees. Dew dripping from the tips of soft, large leaves drips onto my forehead and wakes me. Softly the sun rises to light up the day.

Waking to a new dawn, I must complete my journey. Now I find myself to be a Greek soldier. The cold water of the river running between my legs is forceful and I struggle to keep my balance. "I must cross and must reach the other side."

On the other side of the river is a marshy area. Foggy and slippery, this bog I must cross.

On the other side I will find my home. Finally I can rest.

To be continued...

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This dream is full of imagery, mixed mythologies and dark undertones. It is gigantic in the story it is trying to tell me and so vivid that - awake - I can still see the images. In the first part I am a Nordic warrior on a journey to (what in the song is called) Valhalla. ("In Norse mythology, Valhalla is a majestic, enormous hall located in Asgard, ruled over by the god Odin. Chosen by Odin, those that die in combat travel to Valhalla upon death, led by the Valkyries." - Wikipedia). At the end of battle I return, as a chosen one, to Valhalla. But being "lost in this forest" I feel like I do not belong there.

Therefore in the second part I travel to the end of the dark forest to the light of the "clearing" running away from death to the valley where my home is.

Waiting for the next day "There is a strong need to cross the river but I must rest for the night." So why am I now a Greek soldier waiting for darkness to be over to cross the river? Well in Greek mythology - the transcending from one world to the other is reprensented by the crossing of the River Styx. By crossing back across the river I am trying to escape darkness and am now trying to embrace my previous life.

Now onto the next part... (see next post)

Love Now

I have been getting very frustrated with the political/economic environment in this country. The level of fear is incredible! I am concerned by the conspiracy theories, fear-mongering and the doomsday stories that are supposedly out to cause the end of the world as we know it.

The real estate market taking a dump; foreclosures at an all time hi; banks falling apart and failing; the declaration of Marshall Law in the USA.

Did you know that as of Oct 1st Marshall Law was enacted???

The eminent collapse of the Dollar and the possible introduction of the Amero. Have you heard of the Amero? It is the new coinage that will replace the Dollar. It is where our money, investments, 401K's, OUR savings! ALL will be worthless - at best only pennies on the Dollar.

The thought of all this scared the shit out of me! And left me disempowered and in a swirl.

So what is there to do??

Well, just be present to the fact that "Its all a choice between Fear and Love!" When I get overwhelmed with negative stories, I forget that life is just a ride and that I have a choice!

Just listen to this video. Bill Hicks has an explanation to What the Point of our Lives is. It is an inspiring perspective!

It's that simple, someone might even call it simplistic, but I'm standing for it:

"Choose Love. It is and has always been the only answer!"

This is only a ride! We can change it anytime, it's our choice - Fear or Love!

"The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors and buy guns! Close yourself off."

Choosing fear only lets the demons run amok. Fear will lead us to shut ourselves off and hide out.

Here is what we can do to change the world!

Choosing Love will allow us to explore space together (both inner and outer) forever in peace! - The eyes of Love see all of us as One...

Turn off the chatter of the main stream media and....
Choose for yourself!

Blog the Recession

Came across Motherhood Uncensored's blog & she has this great idea for all bloggers to help one another.

Help some bloggers by increasing pageview, contributing to their ad revenue. But an even simpler idea: Getting to know one another, even commenting on each other's posts and helping each other out.

She calls it "Blog the Recession Month."

Her idea is nice & the premise is simple:

If you read blogs, then for the month of August, make the "pledge" to click through from your feed reader. No obligation to leave a hilarious comment or send a long stalkerish email (although both, within reason, are always lovely). Just click through to the blog (not on ads unless you are so led) and if you're feeling generous, click around to their older posts.

Just those extra page views can make a big difference for bloggers who could really use the help...

Pageviews, ad revenue but most important, comments. Comments are always nice to get. It helps me feel like someone is actually visiting & I'm not "sitting here blogging at myself."

I love the idea because it's fun, creates a community with like interests, and most of all allows me to feel like I am contributing something to you.

Welcome & Thanks for coming by...

Detachment is Being Comfortable with the Ambiguities of Life

"Detachment is not a physical thing; it's a mental phenomenon. Attachment could be said to be the same thing as fear and insecurity. Detachment is the same thing as being comfortable with ambiguity and uncertainty, which are facts of life."

- Deepak Chopra

A friend was sharing about his girlfriend and how - even knowing better - she still choose NOT to do what he considers to be the 'right thing.' He shared how when he asked why she would do that, she replied "leave me alone. Let me do what I want to do." He was very upset & just continued to argue with her. He wanted some advise on how to convince her to do what he considered to be the 'right' thing.

I shared with him that people do what they will do and we cannot judge, dictate or even coach them into doing the 'right' thing - when they do not want to hear it. That is a choice they need to reach on their own & we need to be fine with their choice.

He was visibly very upset at her choice & asked me "so what should I do?" I responded "give up your attachment to needing to be right!" He paused for a bit & then said "What the f^*k are you talking about! She is the one not making the right choice. What do you mean - me - giving up my attachment!??"

No matter how much I tried to explain or get him to see that it is him that needs to accept and be detached from the upset, he would not hear of it.

So I shared with him this Zen Buddhist story:

Two monks are walking down a country road when they come upon a river. Suddenly a young girl, partially naked from her struggle with the river, runs up to them. She says, "The river flooded away everything I have and my family is on the other side. Can you help me get across to find them?"

The younger monk is flustered, a naked girl! He felt he needed to avoid the temptations of the flesh. But the older one picks up the naked girl, throws her over his shoulder and walks across the river. When he reaches the shore he puts her down, and without a word, walks on. The younger monk follows, but his mind is not at rest. How could his brother have touched a naked girl?

After a couple of hours he stops his brother and says, "Brother, we are supposed to be above things of the flesh! And yet you picked that girl up and carried her across the river." The older monk replies, "Yes, you're right and when I got to the other side I put her down. You have been carrying her ever since."

The young monk carried the worry and the upset for the sins of the flesh, and could not let it go. He lived with the burden and the anguish of what he considered to be a 'wrong' doing much longer then the older monk did.

I explained the the moral of the story is that worrying of the burden of living into the considerations of right/wrong is more of a burden then the act itself!

Do you think I gave him the right advice?

I see it that the story is the same about everything in our lives. Once something is complete and we have fulfilled it's purpose, we can choose to drop it from our minds. Holding it and wondering and questioning the right/wrong-ness of it ceases us from being who we really are in the moment. There is no reason to look back upon our choices.

What we have chosen to leave in the past ceases to be ours. Let it go & detach your 'self' from it Now & Forever!

Grandeur of our Universe

I just got a glimpse of the real grandeur of the universe and the immensity of God. How large & magnificent can the Creator be to have made the universe.

A few weeks back my son & I were walking around the neighborhood & my son saw a red ant hill. He runs over to it, takes a stick & goes to destroy the ant hill. I stop him and tell him to leave the ants alone. I remember imaging an ant looking up and being overwhelmed by the shear size of my son in relationship to theirs.

So today I got a feeling of what the ants might have visualized.

The perspective of our place on earth. I am one person in, a small town in the state of Florida, in the best country on earth. Now imagine the U.S.A. in relationship to the mass of the earth. Then the relationship of the earth to the sun (that's the earth on the lower right side), the third rock from the Sun. Then just picture our solar system compared to our galaxy and the size of our galaxy compared with the universe.

Yes, I know this is actually old news - and yes any grade school science student knows that. The science is elementary, so I won't go there - What I want to discuss is something bigger, more magnificent - so just hang on & ride it out with me...

Imagine the grandeur of a Creator that can conceive all of this!

Our Earth is really tiny compared to the sun. This is enough to leave me in awe! but I want you to know that our sun is only an ordinary star, classified as a dwarf star. There are more than 100 million such stars in our galaxy.

If our Sun is a dwarf then imagine the size of a Giant star! A typical one is about the size of the Earth's orbit around the Sun. Now picture a star even larger! so large that "Giant" is not enough to describe it. The scientists had to come up with a name like "SuperGiant."

A star that fits this description is Betelgeuse (More...)

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Betelgeuse is the tenth brightest star in the sky. It sits at the base of Orion’s right arm.

Orange Betelgeuse is cooler than our Sun, but its diameter is 700 times that of our Sun.

This "superGiant" can outshine the sun by over a million times. These are very massive stars seen just before they supernova.

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So in comparison, imagine the size of a creator that can conceive Betelgeuse as only one in a million NO billions of stars.

That little white spec on the lower left side, under Antares, is our sun. WOW I feel so small!

That is nothing! Check out the next step and the greatness of our Creator.

Yes Betelgeuse is thousands of times larger then our sun. So large that our Sun is barely a spec next to Betelgeuse, but imagine even bigger stars!

How about a star so large that 'Super' is not enough to describe it. It is classified as a 'HyperGiant.'

Imagine a star that is 2100 times larger then our Sun. VY Canis Majoris (More...) is such a star.

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VY Canis Majoris is called a HyperGiant because of its very high luminosity.

"A typical red supergiant phase lasts about 500,000 years. A massive star becomes a red supergiant near the end of its life, when it exhausts the hydrogen fuel at its core. As the core contracts under gravity, the outer layers expand, the star gets 100 times larger, and it begins to lose mass at a higher rate.

VY Canis Majoris is the largest known star and also one of the most luminous known. It is located about 5,000 light-years from Earth in a constellation called Canis Major. VY Canis Majoris is only one of the HyperGiants that makes up this constellation known as one of the dogs following Orion the hunter.

VY Canis Majoris has probably already shed about half of its mass, and it will eventually explode as a supernova." - hubblesite.com

---

This really leaves me in awe!

Our sun is but a pixel next to this giant. Can you imagine the vastness of the universe where this HyperGiant exists only as one piece of a giant constellation!?

Now imagine a creator that can conceive of all of this.

He is so grand that we as humans cannot even fathom this greatness. He is all, sees all and is omnipresent, even with us.

So grand that anything we conceive as a 'BIG' concern, issue or problem is minuscule compared to the greatness of God. By this I mean that anything and everything is do-able for God! Nothing is a 'big problem' for him and the vastness of His compassion can help us with our BIGGEST problem.

Think of this the next time that you are dealing with the 'problems' of life:

"Don't tell God how big your problems are...tell your problems how big God is."

Give them all to God and surrender to His greatness. I ask you to accept His generosity, compassion and His LOVE. His love is bigger then anything we can ever imagine!

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Here is the whole thing for a complete perspective.

Lessons Learned from Randy

Tribute to Randy Pausch on Google

I, like millions of people have watched Randy Pausch's Last Lecture on YouTube. This lecture is extremely powerful, empowering and has been impactful in my life. I developed a great appreciation for Randy's wisdom and the lessons this Carnegie Mellon professor had for us. This talk is meant to teach life's lessons as his legacy in life.

Now that Randy has past away, how can his legacy live on in me? I am a firm believer in that everything that is put before me, there's a lesson to be learned. So what are my, as Randy puts it, "Lessons learned..." What lessons can I get out of Randy's life experiences, and his passing, to "achieve my dreams and enable the dreams of other."

I thought about that a little bit more and went back to listen to the lecture. This is what I came up with - my list of 10 things I've learned from Randy's lecture (in no particular order):

1. The Brick Walls are there for a Reason: Walls are there to separate those who do not want it bad enough from those with the dedication and commitment to live their lives to the fullest. It is there to allow us to climb over them and get to the other side even when we do not know what is on the other side. Reaching for what you want requires work - so work hard. Scale those walls and show that you have the desire.

Everyday life has a way of putting hurdles in our path. Some may seem insurmountable, but it is in my passion for life that I can overcome them. It is in me to excel and jump over those hurdles.

2. Disney Imagineering - The Nicest "Go to Hell Letters": Anybody can get chewed out and rejected. It is in how you receive & accept the feedback (even just seeing it as feedback). Learning from the rejections & the failures is one of the biggest lessons in life. At the end of the lecture Randy says it is the rare person that can "cherish it and use it" to grow as a person.

3. Wait Long Enough & People Will Surprise & Impress You : Perseverance is the key. Give people the time & the space they need to find their own greatness. Guide them along their paths so they can get themselves to where they want to be. As Randy says, "Find the best in everybody; no matter how long you have to wait for them to show it."

Give up whatever impression you may have of them. Don't make them wrong and allow them to be themselves. You may be surprised!

4. Good Way & Bad Way of Saying 'NO' : It is in the attitude & in the words I use that I can influence/ get people to do what I want from them. It is a way of being that I can create for myself. I can have something worth saying but saying it to empower others (not to disempower them) is where the powers lies.

At the end of the lecture he shares something Andy Van Dam told him. "It's such a shame that people perceive you as so arrogant, because it's going to limit what you are going to be able to accomplish in life." Randy continues with "What a hell of a good way to word - you're being a jerk!" It was in the positive nature of the wording that this became a constructive conversation.

5. The Next Star Wars Film :When Tommy shared his dreams, Randy said "You know they are probably not going to make those next movies..." and Tommy said "No they are!" This shows me that no matter what people say or think, just live your dreams. Don't let people dissuade you from living & achieving them.

6. You Obviously Don't Know Where the Bar Should Be - You're Only Going To Do Them a Disservice by Putting it Anywhere : Dream Big!! Randy was amazed that his students did not stop and "just kept going!!" Do not sell people short by my own limits and perceptions. Encourage people to give their best & they will surely do so. See people bigger then they see themselves and they will live into who you make them out to be. Create an energy where greatness comes from believing one is great!

7. My Favorite Moment in 10 Years is a Brilliant Ad Lib : "He pulls out his ninja sword and says - 'I am dishonored!' and just drops." What I got from this moment is that the best part of life are the moments that are unplanned and are true and honest from the heart.

This is where we get to live our life to the fullest and where I can create a great bond with people. Being authentic, honest & real with myself will allow me to be just that with others.

8. The Yin and the Yang : The left and right side of the brain are essential for the success out of anything I do. The Geek and the Artist in me / the Good & the Bad are both necessary for being complete. One cannot live without sharing with the other.

9. Paint My Bedroom : Let your kids paint their bedroom. Allow them to flourish & encourage them to be self-expressed. His parents may have been reluctant, but they saw the spark in his eye and encouraged him to express his creativity. They allowed him to express himself - even if it was unconventional art.

As an architect, I know the value the environment can cause to spark the creative flame in people. And I also know the value I can create in my son by giving him the space to express his artistic flare.

10. Are You a Tigger or an Eeyore? : Are you going to live your life having FUN or not? You get to choose. Like Randy says, it is not only a choice but its a requirement. "I'm dying and I'm having fun. And I'm going to keep having fun every day I have left. Because there's no other way to play it." There really is no other option. We will all die and at the end of our lives, do we want to be remembered, like Randy, "as a person who had fun" or as a person who never allowed himself to enjoy his life. You choose!

OK, so getting ten powerful tenets from Randy's lecture is incredible and an amazing contribution, on Randy's part! And then I get to the end of his lecture and he throws out "How to get people to help you?" This hit home because it has been a big one in my life. Inspiring & enrolling others to follow me has been challenging. So what is the "lesson learned?"

You Can't Get There Alone : Acknowledge the people in your life. Tell the truth to others & to yourself. Show gratitude & appreciation. Have an intention or purpose in your life to live for and share that with others. Live for others and they will give you your dreams.

Inspire in them their dreams & they will be inspired by your dreams.

Lastly Randy reveals the great "head fake," the lesson we did not know we were meant to learn -

It is not about how to achieve your dreams, but how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the Karma will take care of itself.

"The dreams will come to you."

So at the end of Randy's lecture, I realize that in our daily life, we get caught up in the circumstances, the daily challenges and the hurdles we have to jump. Constantly bumping into the proverbial "brick wall" of life and constantly staying stuck inside my head. It is about getting outside of your 'self' & contributing to others. Being with others and giving of yourself to others. This is where life fulfills your dreams.

I have only one choice! I cannot stay wallowing in my junk. I must allow myself to experience life and to have fun while living it. There really is no other way to play it!

Thank you Randy for who you were. Your legacy lives on!

My Goodbyes to Randy Pausch

On July 25th, Randy Pausch past away (See Official Google Blog: Goodbye to Randy Pausch, a great teacher). My deepest sympathies go out to his family. I personally did not know him, but his Last Lecture touched my heart & left a lasting impression on me.

What would I do if this moment was my last? How would I live my life knowing that I am going to die? Would I sit here pissed off at the world & at God; would I be feeling sorry for myself; or would I have the courage to make a difference before I go?

See that is the BIG question in life "what difference do I make in this world?"

Well I can tell you that after watching Randy's Last Lecture I know I have the courage to make a difference now! The first time I watched his video I found myself just so amazed at how - in the face of his own inevitable death - he faced his own Goliath head on.

As his lecture states, he did this so that he can leave behind a legacy that his family can be proud of. Well Randy you did good by your family and I want to thank you for sharing yourself with me. I am forever changed by who you were. You have left behind a legacy that has touched the world.

Randy Pausch's famous lecture at Carnegie Melon University entitled the "Last Lecture." This lecture was amazingly uplifting. A truly inspiring reaction to getting the news that you are dying.

Music & Life - An Epiphany!

Today the most commonplace video allowed me to have an epiphany. I never in a million years could have imagined that Tray & Matt of South Park fame would be the cause of it. Granted it's the words of Alan Watts that did it but it was thru Tray & Matt's video that I was exposed to those words.

As Alan Watts explains it, the idea that "reaching for success is the purpose of life" is a great big hoax! I have missed the music along the way.

Like most I have worked hard to be successful and missed what the real purpose was. Acquired the houses I've wanted and even created the type of business I've wanted. I design multi-million dollar waterfront homes where money is everything. Sure I've sacrificed a few birthday parties because meeting the client's deadline was more important but hey, the family will understand. What's the problem - there will be many more birthdays to come!

I have fallen for the peer pressure that having a nice car, a nice house & great financial Independence were the symbols of success. See I had what I thought would be my nice nest egg. Sure, I planned that I would sell it all and retire when I'm 55. But now with the economy the way it is, well that nest egg is now more like scrambled eggs.

Over the last year or so, I've come to realize that I've wasted so much time, effort, and affinity to acquire those things. I've realized that I've never sang or danced to the music. I've never allow myself to be free of the need to have material success.

Pure Love Comes Home

Last night my 10yr old son came home from a 3 week vacation in Ecuador, South America. My wife & I were so excited to be at the airport and pick him up. See he's flying back with 2 of my sister, & 6 more nieces & nephews. I was anxiously waiting in the terminal with my wife, my brother, sister, sister-in-law, brother-in-law... We were a whole troop! Everyone is in conversation passing the time, but in my head I was only focused on seeing my son.

After a while of waiting & seeing many passengers arriving, we started getting anxious & saying, "they're next out thru those doors. No - this time really - They're the next ones." Another 30 minutes later I see 2 female figures with a bunch of kids coming in the distance. It had to be them. Who else is crazy enough to travel with 5 boys & 2 girls at 1 am. I see all the kids jumping around & having fun. Sure enough my son is one of those kids jumping around and carefree just goofing off.

But as soon as he saw me with my arms stretched out wide open welcoming him home, he started crying. Immediately starts running towards me and jumps in the air into my open arms - matrix-like in slow motion - almost knocking me over! I've never seen him run that fast! Sobbingly he says "Dad I've missed you!" In that moment, nobody else existed around us. We hugged for what felt like an eternity & he squeezed me with so much love and sentiment. Wow! there is nothing more powerful then a pure expression of love like this one.

I have missed him & he has missed me just as much. When I asked him why he was crying, he replied "No dad, those are tears of joy! I really didn't realize how much I've missed you."

In that instant, I realized that nothing else matters. Nothing!

No matter what the struggles of life; no matter what my family thinks of me & how we're raising our son; No matter the tribulations of life; no matter the criticism, all that matters is that my son loves me! He loves his dad with all his heart & I love him!

Not that my wife & I were failing him, but life; the negative opinions and criticism of others; and even worse of all - my little voice in my head! All have a way of making me forget who I am for my family. All have a way of allowing me to disempower myself. I just got validation that I am a good dad. No matter what anybody says or thinks - I am - and I can again trust that what my heart says to me is genuine compared to what my mind tells me.

I will from this day forward trust my heart and know that I am doing what's right for my family.

Staying Positive in a Negative World

It is truly possible to be positive in a negative world. The way I see it, the world is what I see in it & what I make of it.

I find that when I start my morning routine listening to the morning rush hour report, I already start upset and rushed. This is because I find myself needing to rush out the door right now in order to 'beat' the traffic. Take my coffee on the run & well, I'll read that report during the traffic jams so I don't waste time. When I get to the office, I feel like a rat trying to find a spot up front in the parking lot. In the elevator lobby I rush to the elevator to 'beat' that crowd that is coming behind me. All this before 9am. So of course I am going to be upset, rushed & negative.

This negativity stays with me all day. When I get home, my son runs to sit on my lap & all I want to do is 'veg-out' before dinner. I have stressed myself raw and now just want to be numb to the world. Staring at the tv allows me to zone out for a while just to recover.

What I saw missing in myself was peacefulness & clarity. Everything is hurry up & wait.

So I tried an experiment. I start my day differently. I already know that the morning commute will take about 1hr plus 15 minutes for delays. In the morning I get up with time to sit at the table & talk with my wife. My son kisses me as he is leaving to school and I am listening to a soft tune in the background. I saw that during that week I got to work on time, read my report at the table & even made it to the elevator without a mad rush. The day goes by peacefully & my head stays focused. On the drive home I listen to an audio book & clear myself of the day's troubles.

The most important thing is that when I get home my son still wants to sit on my lap. But now I find that I can actually play with him & enjoy my time with him. My head is clear & I can focus on him.

What I did differently was change my mindset. What I focus on is what shows up in my life. If I create tension, worries & rush and that is what occurs throughout the day. BUT when I created peacefulness and clarity for myself, the days became just that - peaceful & clear. Even finding a parking space was not stressful.

So the way to staying positive in a negative world, is not to focus on the negative, but on the positive. Live life like you want it to be & sure enough that is what will show up for you in this world.

Manchester Craftsman Guild High School

You must be prepared to act on your dreams...
just in case they do come true."
- Bill Strickland

"Its all in the way you think about people that often determines their behaviour."

This is truly an inspiring video! I have to change the way I see people in order for their behaviour to change. It is all in who I am being that defines who people are for me.

Thought of the Day - May 22, 2008

Today, like every other day,
We wake up empty and frightened.
Don't open the door to the study
And start reading.
Take down the dulcimer.
Let the beauty we love
Be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways
To kneel and kiss the ground.
- Rumi 13th Century Sufi Poet

What I am getting from this poem is to live what I love and pursue my authentic path. Don't die, as Wayne Dyer says... "with your music still in you." Express yourself authentically not only in what you do, but in what you say and in who you ARE. Let your essence shine thru and BE who you were meant to be.

I get that this is easier said then done. Circumstances, negative people & the daily grind of life keeps me in the "study" away from life, in my head. But allowing my authentic self to be expressed provides more joy in life for me then staying in my head. Every day - damn - every moment I have this choice.

And I get to choose what that moment will be like.

Your Local Pirate Supply Store

I love this idea! A Pirate Supply Store with an ulterior motive... A tutoring/ mentoring/ publishing center where kids can have one-on-one attention and find an outlet for their creativity & self-expression.

As Dave Eggers explains, one-on-one attention in getting homework done makes a happy kid. The kids have extra time to go home and enjoy time with their family, making for a happy family. Happy families create a happy community; several happy communities makes a happy world...

As Eggers jokes : "The key to it all is homework..." One-on-one attention & complete devotion to "turning on the switch" in the kids.

I have always wanted to have an architectural office that was more then just an office. Many architects have a basketball hoop to ignite the "creative spark" or a field trip to Disney to "get inspired." These idea were great, and did caused a friendly, creative atmosphere, but was not enough for me.

My dream is to ignite the artistic spark in kids. Nowadays, public schools are eliminating art programs & the creative spark in kids is flickering. Many kids do not have art classes at school anymore. In my field, new job candidates have great technical abilities, but artistically many are lacking. Some of them cannot visualize a 3-D image in their head (this is basic training in architecture school) - they rely on the computer to do it. Nobody draws on the 'board' anymore.

To me this is sad! The best part of designing is putting pencil on paper & channeling the ideas stuck in my head thru the pencil, onto the paper. Then seeing those ideas become something real is powerful!

So this video got me thinking. What about a tutoring/art center AND an architect/ Artist studio that helps kids do their homework while teaching them art side-by-side with architects/ artists who are doing it right now! Imagine the amount of self-expression that can happen? That really would inspire me to go to work every morning!

As a kid I always visualized myself one day working side by side with great architects like Frank Lloyd Wright, or artists like Picasso. "One day I will do that!" And I was lucky enough to sit with Robert Venturi for a few hours.

Well, how about that day being real RIGHT now for a kid.

Eggers, in his TED wish says... "The kids need you.. take the lead in partnering with the schools... Some kids just plain do not know how good they are... you can tell them. Shine that light on them - one human interaction at a time."

His website OnceUponASchool.org challenges us to shine that light on the kids in our own community.

The average students knows his teacher has to help with his schoolwork, and he knows his parents have to help. But there’s something very new and transformative about meeting a member of the community — a professional journalist, a radio disc jockey, a graduate student, an advertising copywriter, a software developer, a retired lawyer — and have that person give them 2-3 hours of undivided attention. Almost without exception, student achievement and understanding leaps when they are given this concentrated one-on-one attention."

Eggers' wish is for the community to create & submit 1,000 ideas & projects that support the kids in their local public schools.

But the way I see it, he is really challenging us to live our dreams & to help kids live their dreams through "transformational interactions."

What is your dream...
Share it with the world.

Angelic Voice

Wow!!! This kid is amazing! You have to hear it.
His voice is so powerful, it had me in tears.

Thought of the Day - May 16, 2008

"Don't be afraid of the space between your
dreams and reality. If you can dream it,
you can make it so."
- Belva Davis

Today I got a belated birthday surprise. My niece sings in a chorus & she calls with an odd greeting, no hi no small talk, just "you have a few minutes?" When I said yes, I hear her start singing happy birthday to me. Then all of a sudden her whole chorus starts singing.

WOW I was left speechless!!!

I have never had a whole chorus sing to me! I had tears of joy running down my face. I felt honored & humbled. She is livng her dream. There is no gap between her reality & her dreams.

I admire that!!

Today is Pangea Day

"Pangea Day uses the power of film to bring the world a little closer together."

Pangea is the hypothetical landmass that existed when all continents were believed to be one. This is where everything, all of us originated.

Pangea Day is the day where people in Barcelona, Spain; Madurai, India; Maputo, Mozambique; Medellin, Colombia; and little old me in Boynton Beach, Florida, USA can be part of a singular global event. I AM one not only with my thoughts, my family, BUT with the whole world!

It is the experience of what it is to BE human.

In one segment of the event Jonathan Harris presented his website wefeelfine.org where he explores human emotions on a global scale. I realized that I am experiencing many of the same emotions. He shows that we are one!

"Stories are the glue that holds the world together."

It's funny to see what one posts on a blog can actually inspire something in someone else. I guess this is why I write this blog - to actually make a difference out there. Maybe something I say can make a difference out there.

Another presenter, Ishmael Beah was a child soldier when he lost his family at war in his African country. He asked us to

"See each other's common humanity and not the differences that tear us apart."

He expressed that Hope is a form of strength! So my hope for the world is that war, anger, hatred, indifference will all one day disappear and we can live united as one!

Releasing Emotional Toxins

Dr. Deepak Chopra
speaks of the seven steps for releasing emotional toxins.

Courtesy of lime.com

Weddings, Funerals & Baptisms

I was reading Redondowriter's blog today. She said something that struck me!

Both my husband and I were extremely active in this parish until we separated in 1984. In 1987 I moved and only go back now for weddings, funerals and baptisms. The years fell away..."

Her post was about spirituality and faith. I don't know why this stuck so deeply, they are only words expressing a moment in time. But maybe because it seems to be an impactful moment in her life, that it became impactful for me. So I started to look at it a little deeper. I instantly got a flashback - sort of a stream of consciousness started to flow thru me.

When I was growing up my father was very religion-oriented. Any activity we did was church related or had to do with religion. I remember the one time he would let us go to the movies. Very unusual - he was even excited about a movie opening. It was in the early 70's, at the re-release of The Ten Commandments. He was so excited! We got to the movie theater early, waited in line for hours and this was on a Friday night - after sunset, no less.

What's the point? Her post (not necessarily what she was referring to - but the mere fact that it was posted for me to read) was a catalyst for a moment of clarity in my life. That is, that because of conditions of my life, I've used my dad's commitment to religion to separate myself from the church. Allowed it not to be a part of me anymore - only returning for - weddings, funerals & baptisms...

Every day I observe someone, some situation, some place and I['m]comforted, connected. I've had a spring resurgence of sacred ordinary."

I am experiencing that spring resurgence. My spirituality keeps calling me. I've come to the realization that I'm connected to a stream of consciousness (God) that keeps calling - only I've not been listening. The message is clear. It is the return to the truth of life; to the simple cycle that we are connected to:

weddings, funerals & baptisms...
Life, death & rebirth

I too continue to grow-up when it comes to my faith.

Negative Thoughts Are Running Me

Today I sat down to watch some TV. Its been a while since I've watch live TV. Usually it's the Tivo with my favorite show.

Boy! Show after show is negative gossip; he-said-she-said talk show; bickering reality show!; Even Nancy Grace was gossiping about Rob Lowe's sexual harassment allegations. We have become a society who feeds off the negativity.

Channel surfing was not an activity I was enjoying today. It was no longer an exploration of what is possible but a running away from something pessimistic.

Wow! I found myself getting anxious and worked up. Negativity started running me! I even started reacting negatively with my wife. I never realized how much negativity generates even more negativity. The energy started to change inside me.

So what do I do?

I empower myself - that's what there is to do! Clear myself of that stuff and chose to be empowering and at ease with my circumstances. I of course put on my favorite show Star Trek - Voyager - to get away from that reality. In this episode, called Body and Soul, Seven is forced to incorporate the Doctor's matrix into her own body to hide the hologram from their captors so that they will not destroy him. The captors consider them terrorists and are negative, suspicious and doubtful of the Voyager crew.

Anyway the Doctor is fascinated by the new found 'zest' for life that he is experiencing in Seven's body. He is fascinated by what seven/humans take for granted - taste, smell, touch and emotions. He is even fascinated by the taste of prison rations.

The captors are fascinated by these unusual strangers and become friendly with the Seven/Doctor mix. The negativity and distrust they felt for the Voyager crew just faded away by Seven's way of being. They even start to work side-by-side.

Anyway, the point is that all the characters are in their own way subjugated, self-absorbed and find themselves isolated. To the point - they are lonely (sound familiar). By experiencing one another they are each pulling the other out of the negativity that the circumstances gives them.

It is in the indulgence of our own humanity where "life is worth living."

"The whole world is full of experiences and sensations but you insist on denying yourself."
-The Doctor to Seven - Voyager

As a society we deny ourselves the good and choose to indulge in our own negativity. Negativity breeds negativity - and keeps us from living a happy life. So by extrapolation - positivity can breed positivity.

The program ends with a toast to a new friendship:

"To shared experiences."

How about choosing that over the negative that our circumstances gives us. Free yourself and live life like it was meant to be - Happy!

Surrender

Another song that caught my attention & that stuck in my head. The lyrics are clean and simple. Beautiful song...

"I'm giving You my heart
All that is within
I lay it all down
For the sake of You my King
I'm giving You my dreams
laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride
For the promise of new life

And I Surrender
All to You, all to You
And I Surrender
All to You, all to You

Singing You this song
Waiting at the Cross
And all the world holds dear
Count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing You
For the glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy
Even sharing in Your pain"

And I Surrender
All to You, all to You
And I Surrender
All to You, all to You

- Marc James, Surrender

Who I Am Makes a Difference

I may not say it often & I may not let you know it...
but who YOU are makes a difference.

You contribute to my life in ways that are unmeasurable & I have not acknowledged you for it... But I want you to know that it did not go unnoticed.

So I invited you here today for several reasons :
1. To share with you this video and hope that it inspires you to pay it forward.
2. To say thank you for who you are for me and to let you know that you DO make a difference in my life.
3. To allow you into my life & so that you may know who I am.

I do not often share my thoughts or feelings. I keep them to myself and people are often surprised when I do share. "I didn't know that about you..." is often the reply. So I invite you to browse thru my thoughts & feelings as they are expressed here.

Thank you for who you are & the way that you help shape my life.

Just a Singer...

I've been listening to a lot of different music lately. Old Rolling Stones, Robert Plant, Bluegrass, The Texas Girls, Moody Blues, Antony and the Johnsons... many different style, many different artists. The one thing that I find in common in the different music is a sense of hope & a longing to belong. A sense of oneness seems to be what I'm drawn to.

Today, I was listening to the Moody Blue's "I'm Just A Singer (In A Rock And Roll Band)." I've heard this song so many times before, but this time was the first time that I actually got drawn into the lyrics. The words are inspiring to me.

"I'm just a wandering on the face of this earth
Meeting so many people
Who are trying to be free
And while I'm traveling I hear so many words

Language barriers broken
Now we've found the key
And if you want the wind of change
To blow about you
And you're the only other person to know, don't tell me
I'm just a singer in a rock and roll band.

A thousand pictures can be drawn from one word
Only who is the artist
We got to agree
A thousand miles can lead so many ways

Just to know who is driving
What a help it would be
So if you want this world of yours
To turn about you
And you can see exactly what to do
Please tell me
I'm just a singer in a rock and roll band.

How can we understand
Riots by the people for the people
Who are only destroying themselves
And when you see a frightened
Person who is frightened by the
People who are scorching this earth.

I'm just a wandering on the face of this earth
Meeting so many people
Who are trying to be free
And while I'm traveling I hear so many words

Language barriers broken
Now we've found the key
And if you want the wind of change
To blow about you
And you're the only other person to know, don't tell me
I'm just a singer in a rock and roll band.

How can we understand
Riots by the people for the people
Who are only destroying themselves
And when you see a frightened
Person who is frightened by the
People who are scorching this earth.

Music is the traveller crossing our world
Meeting so many people bridging the seas
I'm just a singer in a rock and roll band.
We're just the singers in a rock and roll band.
I'm just a singer in a rock and roll band..."

What I'm getting from these lyrics is that I can be a simple man (the singer) and my thoughts/ideas (wonderings) can actually make a difference in this world. My thoughts & ideas which are my music, are the "traveller" that crosses "worlds" and bridges the seas.

Music is the key - it is the one thing that all cultures have and it is the one thing that breaks down the barries that keep my soul from expressing itself. It has no pretences, no image to protect - just an expressions of my deeper soul. This is what is common in all man-kind - ours souls wanting to be free and its the key that makes the difference.

Everything & Nothing!

Lots of stuff going on in my life. I find myself just swirling in the fog. I am traveling thru unknown roads, once in a while getting off at the wrong exit in life. And even though I have to find my way back onto the path intended, sometimes it feels that I am not getting anywhere. That is until I saw this video!

Very inspiring and uplifting video!. Its called "My stroke of insight" by Jill Bolte Taylor.

Every road traveled in life is a choice - every moment I have the choice of how my day will go. I can choose to be down and blame my circumstances OR I can choose to live my life empowered.

So I choosing an enpowering life. Accepting it how it is and how it is not.

Which choice are you going to make?

The Last Lecture

Check out this video! It is truly inspiring to live life to the fullest. We all strive to find our purpose in life & create a legacy to leave behind. Sometimes we have divine inspiration to do so. Other times our hand is forced, as is the story of Randy Pausch - or maybe that was divine inspiration.

The message is don't wait till you know you are dying to make a difference in the world. Create your legacy & live life like there is no tomorrow.

The past is gone. Tomorrow we know not, all we have is today..."

Sir Arthur C. Clarke Passed Away

Yesterday, the author and visionary, Arthur C. Clarke passed away. Clarke's work includes predicting a global network of satellite systems, many science articles and books.

Even knighted in 1998 by Queen Elizabeth of England. He had a spectacular body of work.

But what sticks with me was his science fiction work. I remember watching '2001: A Space Odyssey' for the first time on HBO and was totally fascinated by the movie.

I remember watching every airing on HBO for the whole month. It inspired me to believe that my life long dream - travel in outer space - may actually come true one day.

Maybe when I'm 80 it might be affordable for the average you!

I'm sure we would not have had men on the Moon if it had not been for Wells and Verne and the people who write about this and made people think about it. I'm rather proud of the fact that I know several astronauts who became astronauts through reading my books.
- Sir Arthur C. Clarke 1917-2008

He inspired me & it's awesome to see that he was humbled by the very astronauts that he inspired.

Shower the People You Love with Love

It has been a few months since I've written on this blog. See in August my mother passed away. I miss her a lot and I'm always thinking about her. But this morning I woke up with this song in my head. I don't know why but I guess it has something to do with how my relationship with my sisters has been lately.

Don't get me wrong! It is not that its bad! only disconnected. We don't talk much except the superficial "hi, how are the kids" kinda calls. Since my mother's death, we have not been as close as it used to be. I guess I miss how we were. My sisters & I are not as connected. I guess each one of us is dealing with her death in our own ways. But deep in my heart, I fear that we will never have that again. She was the matriarch of our family and she was the force that kept us together. We got together to visit with our mother. She always travelled back & forth between Ecuador & here. She would stay for a couple of months & then go back. She did this a few times a year.

Since she left we don't really get together much anymore. So accepting the reality that things may never be the way they were, is hard.

This song James Taylor - Shower the People You Love with Love (MP3) inspires me to create unity in my family ANYWAY!! No matter what the circumstance may look like.

Just taking it on - no reasons or justifications - just because I want it to exist!!

So I share this song, video & lyrics so that you can be inspired as well.

"You can play the game and you can act out the part
Though you know it wasn't written for you
But tell me, how can you stand there with your broken heart
Ashamed of playing the fool
One thing can lead to another; it doesn't take any sacrifice
Oh, father and mother,and sister and brother
if it feels nice, don't think twice (yes)

Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel
Things are gonna be just fine if you only will(do as i say, yeah)
Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel
Things are gonna be much better if you only will

You can run but you cannot hide
This is widely known
And what you plan to do with your foolish pride
When you're all by yourself alone
Once you tell somebody the way that you feel
You can feel it beginning to ease
I think it's true what they say about the squeaky wheel
Always getting the grease.

Better to shower the people you love with love
(Yes and) show them the way that you feel
(I know) Things are gonna be just fine if you only will
(what I'd like to do to you)
Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way you feel
Things are gonna be much better if you only will

Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel

They say in every life
They say the rain must fall
Just like the pouring rain
Make it rain
Make it rain
Love, love, love is sunshine oh
Make it rain
Love, love, love is sunshine yeah
Everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody."

- James Taylor

The Legacy of Peace & Unity

I would like to share with you what I've been feeling now that my mother has passed away. I have had the story that I need to be 'strong' for my family. It's been many years that I have not allowed myself to freely show fear, joy, anger, excitement, disappointment, grief - forget being vulnerable! I've dealt with a lot of death in the recent years and I 'had' to be strong. I do not let anyone know that I am fearful of death & that I'm afraid that one day you too will leave me.

When Pipo & Mima died I 'had' to be strong for my wife & son. Mima was ill for many years with Alzheimer's. She no longer knew who her family was. She did not know that she had a daughter, a son-in-law & grandson. I remember the day my wife asked her "I am your daughter, do you remember me?" and Mima replied "I don't have a daughter!" She cried for days! I tried to protect my son from that. What would it feel like for him to hear that she has no clue of who he is. He can't comprehend what is happening to her. I don't know why I did not cry at her funeral - maybe to protect him or actually to protect me from feeling that pain.

When Pipo died, I promised Pipo that I would take care of my family. I promised him that I would not let anything happen to them. The seven months we took care of Pipo in our home, I protected my son from Pipo's hollers of pain. I would create distractions so that he would not have to 'deal' with that & looking back - so that I can escape that pain.

Now fast forward to today. Again I pretended that I would be alright. My 'strong suit' really has me believing that I can deal with the death of mom. All this time I have been 'strong' & I can deal with death. BUT really I was pretending that I am OK. All this time I have been hiding the fact that I am afraid, feel vulnerable & alone. I kept myself busy so that I would not have to see mom wither away like a wilted rose. How that leaves me feeling is closed off from my own feelings.

So when I interact with friends and family, I am really hiding out. Hiding my feelings. I did not want to get too close because you too will leave me & I am going to hurt all over again! I would not tell you about my life, because of the fear that you may find me out or you may judge me. I get the feeling that I leave them in a funk trying to deal with my disconnect. For that I apologize.

So what you can count on from me is that I will be free to express my feelings, will no longer pretend to be strong & will be present to your (& my own) greatness. I promise to be there to hear you and to listen without judgement; I promise that I will be with you when you need me; I promise I will be free to be me.

What I ask of you is that when I leave you in a funk, that you stop and ask me "what just happened?" I know that these promises are big & I may falter sometimes. I ask that you not judge it, but stretch out a hand and help me up. I will not always get it right, but know that I will try.

Tomorrow is mom's funeral service & I do not have to be 'strong' anymore. I do not need to pretend that I have it all together. I will be free to be me and free to be with you.

God has blessed our family with a great mother, but even more so with the legacy she created - a united family.

I love you all.

Peace I leave you, My peace I give you.

Peace I leave you, My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid".

-- John 14:27

This was my mother's possibility for the world. After she quoted these words last Saturday, I saw her world transform. People came from NY, DC and even Ecuador to be with her. They all shared how they have been touched by her. How her way of being was imprinted in their souls and the magic she caused in their lives

She released her bottle full of angers, recentments and caused our world to transform before our eyes.

Last night my mother passed away in peace as the example of these words. Her last wish was that our family carry on her legacy of being United in Peace.

We are here on this earth if only for this moment - so make your moment matter and be the cause of transformation in your world.

My peace I give to you

A Silent Space...

Through forgiveness, which essentially means recognizing the insubstantiality of the past, and allowing the present moment to be as it is, the miracle of transformation happens not only within but also without. A silent space of intense presence arises both in you and around you.

You dissolve discord, heal pain, dispel unconsciousness--without doing anything--simply by being and holding that frequency of intense presence."

- Eckhardt Tolle, The Power of Now

the elizabeth ll

the elizabeth ll
Originally uploaded by tearapen.

Beautiful picture! Found it while searching in Flickr.com

Almost surreal - like the pirate ship in Peter Pan. I can just picture Captain Hook standing on the deck and Peter Pan flying in from the right.

Dock of the Bay

Dock of the Bay
Originally uploaded by svg_photo.

Ran across this beautiful picture while browsing in Flickr.com.

It is a very crisp picture that puts me right there over looking out to the bay. I am feeling the cold weather & can feel my breath in the cold crisp air.

Sitting here feeling the breeze coming in from the water & the chill that the wet air brings with it, I find myself drifting away.

Thanks for the beautiful photo.

Every Morning...

Imagine every morning waking up and feeling
"I don't want to live another day without my child in my life."

Feeling that on the side of the highway
is where my child left this world.
Alone and hurt,
you left this life to live anew -
free of pain and sorrow.

But waking up, I see your empty bed
and I am preparing your clothes in
boxes ready to go. I drive to work
and see your memorial on the
side of the road and the tears come.

Every morning I feel the rage and anger for
that careless driver who took
your life from me.

Everyday I feel your absence.

But each morning I awake again
and continue to live this life
because I know I must.
God does have bigger plans for me.

I wake up and continue my life because
I don't want yours to be forgotten.
I need to let the world know that you
are a person of significance.

That you mattered - to me!

I need to remember, I need to live!
To be free and laugh again.
I am the only one that can set me free!
And for that I need to learn to forgive.

Forgive them, forgive you, forgive me.

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This is another dream/visitation that I experienced fully awake. The feelings I got were feelings I have never felt before, but feel them I did. These words came to me early in the morning. I awoke and sat down with the urge to write. These words are not mine and the feelings expressed are not my feelings. I am sobbing with such pain and sorrow as I write these words. The pain and suffering that these words express is running all my emotions and are mine to feel. I am feeling the pain of a parent who has lost a child - though I have not.

At first I reasoned them to be hollow because I have not lost a child so how can I be writing in first person. I even tried to rewrite them from a stranger's perspective & my computer would not have it. So I accepted what was coming to me. Secondly a thought entered my mind for a moment. I always have these premonitions in dreams - so could this be of a future day in my life?? NO not my son!!!! The emotions became horrifying for a second and the pain and sorrow became mine.

Then I got present to where these words were coming from. These words were meant for someone - I don't know who - to read & not for me to keep them in my scrapbook. So I would like to share them with you. I know that I don't know what it is like to lose a child - so maybe these words are really hollow, but I think I got a stranger's glimpse into what a parent might be going thru.

A Powerful & Fulfilling Life

Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends."
-- J.R.R Tolkien

The other day, my sister & I had a lengthy discussion. She feels that people have done her wrong & that she is really hurt. She feels attacked. Everybody has a right to be mad at whomever they want & yes, they are entitled to those feelings. But is that really a way to live life? I want a powerful & fulfilling life but this just does not fulfill my soul. So this is what I wanted to say to her - since she asked me for advise - but she did not want to hear. So I will post my words here, so for now she can get these words thru osmosis.

We have all been victimized, & some people can be really mean and hurtful. But if you can accept the possibility that being victimized is just a perception, you will realize that it is not an empowering way to live. I'm not trivialize your feelings & yes bad things, such as crimes, really do happen - but you are just talking about words people use & how they affect your emotions. What they choose to say & do are - just that - done! But can you consider that how YOU chose to see that situation will ultimately determine what the situation becomes. Further consider that you can create an effect & how that situation will affect you. For example, if I say "you said some mean things & they really hurt me" then that is who I choose to be - a person who is hurt. But if I say "the words you chose were hurtful & why did you say them to me?" then I have opened up the options. I am no longer a person who is hurt but one who has hurtful things said to me. Can you now see that the only thing that just happened was that mean words spilled out of their mouth. I an NO LONGER VICTIMIZED - no longer the VICTIM! I am a powerful being because I freely choose to be so!

I want you to think differently. Think for a second that everybody's actions can be taken as what we think them to be. Then think that if I perceive them & accept them as such - that's what they become.

"Thoughts are like magnets drawing effects to you..."

Now think that every action has an effect & an outcome. Further think that any outcome is only your perception of what happened. Does it not become clear to see that you actually have control of what you perceive & therefore you are in a position of power whereby you can affect an outcome!? The power to realize that results & outcomes are human creations & that I can create an outcome simply by what I want them to be. The outcome will simply be create by your intentions!

Nooooo! now you're thinking silly! The three million dollar lottery tomorrow will not necessarily be won by you - simply because you intent it so! But your close! Your feelings can no longer be affected by others - you have the power!

Your intention will be to - no longer let words create THAT effect on you!

The power of intention is an amazing tool! So intend that your word has power.

Thank You Lord!

(Original Date: Oct 8, 1997)
Thank you Lord for allowing us to
Experience the true meaning of life.

By bringing forth our first born, you have sent
An angel from heaven to usher in happiness
A newborn life is truly a gift from heaven

We praise you Lord for this momentary glimpse
Of heaven on earth, for he is truly an angel
Heaven-sent to guide us in our journey through life.

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This dream was a vivid glimpse at the birth of my son (actually my son is not born yet). In this dream I see a child birth & am rejoicing at the miricle that it is

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