Dreams : Ideas Flowing Like...

I find myself sleeping in a very large bedroom. My bed, a large four-poster California King with a very cozy down comforter, looks tiny in this massive master bedroom. The master bedroom was very large and also had a beautiful wood ceiling. The walls are fine silk wallpaper and the floor is a beautiful bamboo hardwood finish. The bed, in the room, was on the right 1/3 of the room with the rest of the room furnished as a large sitting area.

As I lay there dreaming, I get the sensation of something stepping on my toes. It feels like the tiny feet of my bird Rico. Every Sunday morning, when he is let out of his cage, he flies upstairs and into my bedroom.

He jumps off my toes, walks up my leg, steps on my stomach and makes his way across my chest. This is his usual path on his way to see my face. Standing at the edge of the comforter, which I have tucked under my chin, he sits there looking at me. I am now awakened by the noise Rico makes as he repeatedly turns his head side to side to get a better look at me, with both of his eyes.

I open my eyes, and Rico is startled. He chirps and then flies off. As he flies off, there is a green, orange & brown trail behind him. At first, I thought -what the heck? - but it was green, orange & brown and its trailing as he flies circles around the room. "Hey! Wait a second, green, orange & brown?" I immediately sit up on the edge of the bed & look down at the floor where its dropping. It is tiny little lovebirds with green plumage & orange cheeks walking all over the floor. I mean tiny! They are only about a 1/2 tall and there are so many of them!

This is weird! Tiny little birds walking around with a few brown worms to boot. I am totally shocked by this and I charge out of the room to get the camera! "Nobody is going to believe this! I need some evidence." I charge down the stairs & oddly enough, my wife is sleeping on the mid-span on this beautiful grand staircase. At the time, I didn't think much of it and just kept going. But when I came charging back, she was gone.

The house was a very beautiful Spanish-style mansion - felt like one of the homes I've done. The living room where my camera was, had a 14' tall pecky cypress ceiling, marble floors and the walls were a fine Venetian plaster finish. The room was one of my designs and the ceiling was finely detailed with cross beams and very ornate trim.

When I came back to the bedroom, the raised-paneled mahogany door was closed and the lower left hand corner was spray-painted with an enamel paint. The fresh baby-poop colored paint is dripping down the wall and door and spilling onto the beautiful bamboo hardwood floor. I step over it anyway and enter the room. In entering the room, I find this room feeling weird now. "I would never design the bed right in front of the door?" I question, but soon forget this inquiry and remember what I was doing.

To my surprise, there are no little birds anymore. The only thing I see is a few brown worms coiled up like a spring. I bend down to take a macro shot of the tiny worms, when I notice the noise in the other end of the room. Instead of getting up, I look thru the space under the bed & notice lots of legs & activity in the other side of the room. I get up and there, where the sitting area used to be, now sits several drawing tables with people bustling around. It looks like a brainstorming meeting waiting on the chief art director.

---

So you know what comes next... my interpritation of the dream:

OK so birds flying are symbols of communication and ideas. Over on DreamMoods.com : To see a bird in your dream, suggests that a message is being conveyed to you. Birds in history are also messangers. The fact that they are circling me means, to me, that my ideas are flowing. Also the fact that the bird is pooping other birds means to me that ideas are really flowing and more communication is being generated all around.

I saw the rooms in very vivid detail so the reason I saw the living room & master bedroom this way is because this is what I do for a living. I design homes. Everything centered around this house - around my design. Then finally I discover (that in my own room) there are many people bustling around and are even having a 'brainstorming' session.

So to wrap all this together, Ideas (creating, designing) are flowing like crazy all around me. My designs are the center of where all this is happening and there are people waiting to brainstorm with me. To create new ideas and have them flow all around.

Funny enough - or maybe this is why I am interpreting the dream this way - is that I just resolved to take my design ideas and spread them a round. I just created new opportunities to share them with people around other countries and share my ideas for luxurious living. Creating spaces that inspire and surrounds the occupants with luxurious environments to fill their souls.

There was one part that seemed off. When I left the room, I returned to a spray-painted door (ruined beautiful mahogany door) dripping on the bamboo floor; the room layout was off; no birds in the room and only brown coiled worms.

So this seems to be a word of caution in the message.

To me this means to keep my eye on the ideas. Keep them flowing & don't get distracted by the 'brown worms.' Not worry or get too focused on proving ("evidence") of anything to anybody. Just do it as my heart tells me so and for the fulfillment of people's soul. Stepping up and being 'the art director' they are waiting for, will ultimately be the fullest expression of who I am and will fill my soul.

Hiding Out

"There, by sharing something, I realized that I'm not alone, that there is a lot of people that share with me the same preoccupations, the same ideas, the same ideals, and the same quest for a meaning for this life."
-- Paulo Coelho

It's been a few months since I've written any posts here. Let me rephrase that - I have written them, they're there, but they sit there unpublished - just waiting for me to push the 'publish' button. So now I have lots of 'draft' posts just sitting - in bold red - there waiting to be posted.

Waiting for what, I don't know...

"You are selfish!" is what my friend Beatrice yelled at me when I shared with her what I have been doing. "Share yourself, anyway! Don't hide behind the Vail..." is what she said as she nudged my shoulder.

So here I am sharing myself. The posts have mostly been about SM, and another visitation that culminated this week, when my aunt Olga passed away. The 'Vail' I was hiding behind is that they hit too close to home. I was afraid of sharing - didn't even share it with my wife.

But isn't that why I started this blog - to share my experiences - no matter what my 'little voice' has to say about it.

So for the next day or two I will be 'publishing' my posts with their original dates. Sorry if the feed is out of order.

That Wave is Gaining...

Another type of reoccurring dream that I've had is the Mega Tidal Wave dream.

I find myself driving down an ocean front highway. The ocean to my left with a very wide beach.

It always took us about 5-10 minutes to walk from the road to the waterline.

Today though, the shoreline seems further out. The sky is gray and the wind is unusually blowing to the east. Almost as if the air and water are being sucked out to the ocean.

I continue driving for a while, when the direction of the air shifts and seems to be coming from the east again - but much stronger. I park the car and get out to check things out.

Way out there is a haze. It's like a cloud hovering over the waves, so low that I cannot see the horizon. That's when I realize that it is not a cloud! I could not see it for what it was because it is truly unbelievable. The haze is actually the crest of the wave, but more then 80'-100' high!!

I jump back into the car and drive off. I drive south looking for the next turn off. I fly thru that turn and finally am heading away from the wave. Driving as fast as I can, the wave continues gaining on me. I'm doing 100mph and that wave is catching up as if I was standing still.

The wave is on my tail & I can no longer see the top of the wave on my rearview mirrors. Water splashing around me and that wave is now right behind me.

---

I know! The dreams always end this way with the wave gaining on me but never encompassing me. Now to try and understand the dream.

According to the dream 'dictionaries' Tidal Waves have to do with emotions. With my ability OR inability to deal with them. It symbolizes emotions not expressed or "bottled up" but also the tidal wave symbolizes the "clearing away of old beliefs." To dream of being caught up in a tidal wave, signifies "the strength of your emotions."

The dream is of several types. It is a Recurring Dream and a Nightmare Type and is an expression of "Your perception of the world, health, natural disasters, criticism about politics, finances, crime in the streets and your inability to control such events may sometimes lead to nightmares."

Yes, I do have worries, preoccupations with the state of our economy and the concern of where our world is going to be in the next few years.

I also can't help but to think that the dream is also a Prophetic Type of dream.

Mystic Journey (Cont.)

So finally crossing this soggy bog, I am now free to find my home in the country.

Waiting there for me is my family.

The days pass and finally I reach my home. As I approach the house, I feel this energy field that is different that anything I've ever experienced before.

The background glows bright and the air is thick with a mist. The house glows as well and almost seems to be floating. This gives me a very ethereal feeling.

I find myself standing outside and unable to enter. Almost as if I'm standing at the window between this world and the other. She stands at the window and waits for me to approach. The space between us is as intangible as air yet so real that I can almost reach over that threshold and hold her hand. But this I will never do.

We talk for a while and she completes the conversation by saying "You must go! This time and space is no longer your home. It can no longer be yours. Return to your new home."

I feel a warm, internal heat filling my body and my feet no longer touch the ground. She smiles at me and I feel a sense of joy and peace flowing from her. Her peace fills my soul and I realize that she is right. I am no longer of that time and space.

"Valhalla... I am coming."

---

This dream comes full circle. In the First Part I do not accept the fact that I am at Valhalla. In the second part, I try to escape the inevitable outcome and run thru the clearing back across the River Styx crossing over the valley.

Now in the third part, I find her. She enlightens me of where I am and that I have crossed an ethereal plane thru which I cannot return. Her peace shows me that it is OK to return to my place as one of the chosen ones at Valhalla.

How does this relate to my present day reality? First I love mythology & Led Zeppelin therefore that symbolism. Well I have been living in the past. I have been mourning for over 8 years and that has kept me from continuing on my path. Now it is time to complete that. I have allowed the loss of my mother, my father-in-law, my mother-in-law, Pedro, Jennifer, Baby Grace and several others to eat away at who I am. I have allowed parts of me to die with them. I have lost vitality, passion for life and have dwelled in sadness for too long. Lamenting the past will not let me move forward.

Today the light at the clearing is filling me with peace. Today I am committed to living a life that is full of Passion, Love and most of all Joyfulness. This is what I choose to live this day forward.

Mystic Journey

Last night I had a very interesting dream. The dream was very vivid, almost lucid and most definitely sequential. A lot like my Bella Mercedes dream, this is definitely an Epic-type Dream. The dream was spread out thru several different moments from which I felt like I woke up several times during the night. As I fell asleep again, the dream would just pickup where I left off last. Also the dream was accompanied by several songs.

The dream started with me riding my horse thru the Nordic countryside. I see myself as a lone horseman from Scandinavian folklore in a hurry to complete my journey from the end of a battle. Like Led Zeppelin's song says: "Valhalla, I am coming..." (MP3) I felt lost in this forest for what seemed like months. Finally, out of the corner of my eye, I see light coming from a clearing in the distance. I make my way towards the clearing and the imagery, sounds and environment change.

The feeling I got in this part of the dream is a Celtic mysticism. The music running in my head still feels like Led Zeppelin-esque (MP3)

At the edge of the clearing I see a beautifully lush valley. I am no longer on horse back and I find myself walking. I am now wearing soft leather-laced sandals. Walking for what felt like hours, I must complete crossing this valley and I reach the edge of a river. I see myself dipping my feet into the river, stepping on moss covered rocks.

This time instead of running towards something, I find myself running away from something. There is a strong need to cross the river but I must rest for the night. Tomorrow will be another way.

The morning mist is laying very low, kissing the top of the trees. Dew dripping from the tips of soft, large leaves drips onto my forehead and wakes me. Softly the sun rises to light up the day.

Waking to a new dawn, I must complete my journey. Now I find myself to be a Greek soldier. The cold water of the river running between my legs is forceful and I struggle to keep my balance. "I must cross and must reach the other side."

On the other side of the river is a marshy area. Foggy and slippery, this bog I must cross.

On the other side I will find my home. Finally I can rest.

To be continued...

---

This dream is full of imagery, mixed mythologies and dark undertones. It is gigantic in the story it is trying to tell me and so vivid that - awake - I can still see the images. In the first part I am a Nordic warrior on a journey to (what in the song is called) Valhalla. ("In Norse mythology, Valhalla is a majestic, enormous hall located in Asgard, ruled over by the god Odin. Chosen by Odin, those that die in combat travel to Valhalla upon death, led by the Valkyries." - Wikipedia). At the end of battle I return, as a chosen one, to Valhalla. But being "lost in this forest" I feel like I do not belong there.

Therefore in the second part I travel to the end of the dark forest to the light of the "clearing" running away from death to the valley where my home is.

Waiting for the next day "There is a strong need to cross the river but I must rest for the night." So why am I now a Greek soldier waiting for darkness to be over to cross the river? Well in Greek mythology - the transcending from one world to the other is reprensented by the crossing of the River Styx. By crossing back across the river I am trying to escape darkness and am now trying to embrace my previous life.

Now onto the next part... (see next post)

You Got Peanut Butter on My Phone!

OK today is a shitty! no a sucky! not a great day! Have you ever had one of those days where nothing you do seems to go right! I just wanted to go to bed by midday.

So I went upstairs and started to prepare lunch before I take a nap. My 10 yr old son noticed I was pissed so he was helping by make my favorite sandwich - Peanut Butter & Jelly. I don't know what it is about a PB&J sandwich, but it usually puts a smile on my face...

Well, today it did just that... but in quite a different way!

My cell phone rings & I'm fumbling to answer it before my client is sent to VM - but Damm!!! - they make these cell phones so tiny - anyone could easily drop one.

And that is just what happened. I am holding the phone with my cheek against my shoulder - and of course I had to be nosey. I leaned forward to see him make my sandwich and my tiny, shiny, favorite Blackberry Pearl (can you hear my cries) just slides, as if greased with butter, right out of my shoulder.

Oh shit! doggy doo (my son's listening - I can't contribute to the corruption of a minor!). My first thought is "don't fall on the PB! - no not face down at least!!!" As I am thinking those words, I see my black Pearl slide (matrix-like) down my favorite red, polyester Hawaiian shit; roll off my outstreched arm (hey in the movies they catch it in mid air, why not me!); and does a flip - you know like the end of a slide dropping into the pool.

As I am thinking "- no not face down at least!!!" that is exactly what the phone decides to do - a belly flop into the PB.

My son turns and faces me with a look of suprise & fun and says "Hey you got phone in my peanut butter!" I immediately start laughing and that commercial runs thru my head. I reply. "Hey you got peanut butter on my phone!"

I try to snatch it off the PB (Hey, the 5 second rule may apply - maybe it won't stick), but as I turn it over I see the splatter of PB on the buttons. We both start laughing and the burden and the blues of this day just washed away.

Needless to say, throughout the day, everytime I answer the phone I get the perfume of PB and it makes me smile.

Have a great day and don't let life get you down. Live and enjoy each day...

Staying Positive in a Negative World

It is truly possible to be positive in a negative world. The way I see it, the world is what I see in it & what I make of it.

I find that when I start my morning routine listening to the morning rush hour report, I already start upset and rushed. This is because I find myself needing to rush out the door right now in order to 'beat' the traffic. Take my coffee on the run & well, I'll read that report during the traffic jams so I don't waste time. When I get to the office, I feel like a rat trying to find a spot up front in the parking lot. In the elevator lobby I rush to the elevator to 'beat' that crowd that is coming behind me. All this before 9am. So of course I am going to be upset, rushed & negative.

This negativity stays with me all day. When I get home, my son runs to sit on my lap & all I want to do is 'veg-out' before dinner. I have stressed myself raw and now just want to be numb to the world. Staring at the tv allows me to zone out for a while just to recover.

What I saw missing in myself was peacefulness & clarity. Everything is hurry up & wait.

So I tried an experiment. I start my day differently. I already know that the morning commute will take about 1hr plus 15 minutes for delays. In the morning I get up with time to sit at the table & talk with my wife. My son kisses me as he is leaving to school and I am listening to a soft tune in the background. I saw that during that week I got to work on time, read my report at the table & even made it to the elevator without a mad rush. The day goes by peacefully & my head stays focused. On the drive home I listen to an audio book & clear myself of the day's troubles.

The most important thing is that when I get home my son still wants to sit on my lap. But now I find that I can actually play with him & enjoy my time with him. My head is clear & I can focus on him.

What I did differently was change my mindset. What I focus on is what shows up in my life. If I create tension, worries & rush and that is what occurs throughout the day. BUT when I created peacefulness and clarity for myself, the days became just that - peaceful & clear. Even finding a parking space was not stressful.

So the way to staying positive in a negative world, is not to focus on the negative, but on the positive. Live life like you want it to be & sure enough that is what will show up for you in this world.

Your Local Pirate Supply Store

I love this idea! A Pirate Supply Store with an ulterior motive... A tutoring/ mentoring/ publishing center where kids can have one-on-one attention and find an outlet for their creativity & self-expression.

As Dave Eggers explains, one-on-one attention in getting homework done makes a happy kid. The kids have extra time to go home and enjoy time with their family, making for a happy family. Happy families create a happy community; several happy communities makes a happy world...

As Eggers jokes : "The key to it all is homework..." One-on-one attention & complete devotion to "turning on the switch" in the kids.

I have always wanted to have an architectural office that was more then just an office. Many architects have a basketball hoop to ignite the "creative spark" or a field trip to Disney to "get inspired." These idea were great, and did caused a friendly, creative atmosphere, but was not enough for me.

My dream is to ignite the artistic spark in kids. Nowadays, public schools are eliminating art programs & the creative spark in kids is flickering. Many kids do not have art classes at school anymore. In my field, new job candidates have great technical abilities, but artistically many are lacking. Some of them cannot visualize a 3-D image in their head (this is basic training in architecture school) - they rely on the computer to do it. Nobody draws on the 'board' anymore.

To me this is sad! The best part of designing is putting pencil on paper & channeling the ideas stuck in my head thru the pencil, onto the paper. Then seeing those ideas become something real is powerful!

So this video got me thinking. What about a tutoring/art center AND an architect/ Artist studio that helps kids do their homework while teaching them art side-by-side with architects/ artists who are doing it right now! Imagine the amount of self-expression that can happen? That really would inspire me to go to work every morning!

As a kid I always visualized myself one day working side by side with great architects like Frank Lloyd Wright, or artists like Picasso. "One day I will do that!" And I was lucky enough to sit with Robert Venturi for a few hours.

Well, how about that day being real RIGHT now for a kid.

Eggers, in his TED wish says... "The kids need you.. take the lead in partnering with the schools... Some kids just plain do not know how good they are... you can tell them. Shine that light on them - one human interaction at a time."

His website OnceUponASchool.org challenges us to shine that light on the kids in our own community.

The average students knows his teacher has to help with his schoolwork, and he knows his parents have to help. But there’s something very new and transformative about meeting a member of the community — a professional journalist, a radio disc jockey, a graduate student, an advertising copywriter, a software developer, a retired lawyer — and have that person give them 2-3 hours of undivided attention. Almost without exception, student achievement and understanding leaps when they are given this concentrated one-on-one attention."

Eggers' wish is for the community to create & submit 1,000 ideas & projects that support the kids in their local public schools.

But the way I see it, he is really challenging us to live our dreams & to help kids live their dreams through "transformational interactions."

What is your dream...
Share it with the world.

Weddings, Funerals & Baptisms

I was reading Redondowriter's blog today. She said something that struck me!

Both my husband and I were extremely active in this parish until we separated in 1984. In 1987 I moved and only go back now for weddings, funerals and baptisms. The years fell away..."

Her post was about spirituality and faith. I don't know why this stuck so deeply, they are only words expressing a moment in time. But maybe because it seems to be an impactful moment in her life, that it became impactful for me. So I started to look at it a little deeper. I instantly got a flashback - sort of a stream of consciousness started to flow thru me.

When I was growing up my father was very religion-oriented. Any activity we did was church related or had to do with religion. I remember the one time he would let us go to the movies. Very unusual - he was even excited about a movie opening. It was in the early 70's, at the re-release of The Ten Commandments. He was so excited! We got to the movie theater early, waited in line for hours and this was on a Friday night - after sunset, no less.

What's the point? Her post (not necessarily what she was referring to - but the mere fact that it was posted for me to read) was a catalyst for a moment of clarity in my life. That is, that because of conditions of my life, I've used my dad's commitment to religion to separate myself from the church. Allowed it not to be a part of me anymore - only returning for - weddings, funerals & baptisms...

Every day I observe someone, some situation, some place and I['m]comforted, connected. I've had a spring resurgence of sacred ordinary."

I am experiencing that spring resurgence. My spirituality keeps calling me. I've come to the realization that I'm connected to a stream of consciousness (God) that keeps calling - only I've not been listening. The message is clear. It is the return to the truth of life; to the simple cycle that we are connected to:

weddings, funerals & baptisms...
Life, death & rebirth

I too continue to grow-up when it comes to my faith.

Connection to the Divine

True test of being human is just Being.

Human existence w/needs, concerns & desires while still choosing to be connected to the Divine.

So what do I mean by Being? So consider for a moment that at every moment we choose to BE who we say we are. So here's an example of what happened today. Life is not working the way that I want it to right now. The economy is slow & business has dropped of significantly. Bill are adding up & employees need to be paid.

I have a choice of who I am going to be in this circumstance. I can be angry and blame the whole thing on a bad economy. Upset that there is nothing I can do about it. This is perfectly fine and many people would agree with me, but at the end of the day I would be angry, upset, a victim of my circumstances and nothing has happened to improve the situation.

OR

I can choose to be peaceful, in action to change my circumstances, and connected to the power of the Divine (God, source, the universe - call it what you will).

The first option gives me an upset stomach, a nervous twitch & anxiety attacks, all the while feeling disempowered. The second option gives me peace, power and the complete feeling that everything will be alright. No upset stomach & my cardiogram still shows normal.

I choose to BE who I say I am. I get to live another day at peace with my circumstances (I didn't say ignore my responsibilities) but knowing that I am not a victim to them and the money to pay the bills just gets generated.

So who do you choose to BE?

Peace I leave you, My peace I give you.

Peace I leave you, My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid".

-- John 14:27

This was my mother's possibility for the world. After she quoted these words last Saturday, I saw her world transform. People came from NY, DC and even Ecuador to be with her. They all shared how they have been touched by her. How her way of being was imprinted in their souls and the magic she caused in their lives

She released her bottle full of angers, recentments and caused our world to transform before our eyes.

Last night my mother passed away in peace as the example of these words. Her last wish was that our family carry on her legacy of being United in Peace.

We are here on this earth if only for this moment - so make your moment matter and be the cause of transformation in your world.

My peace I give to you

A Silent Space...

Through forgiveness, which essentially means recognizing the insubstantiality of the past, and allowing the present moment to be as it is, the miracle of transformation happens not only within but also without. A silent space of intense presence arises both in you and around you.

You dissolve discord, heal pain, dispel unconsciousness--without doing anything--simply by being and holding that frequency of intense presence."

- Eckhardt Tolle, The Power of Now

the elizabeth ll

the elizabeth ll
Originally uploaded by tearapen.

Beautiful picture! Found it while searching in Flickr.com

Almost surreal - like the pirate ship in Peter Pan. I can just picture Captain Hook standing on the deck and Peter Pan flying in from the right.

Reaching enlightenment

"..Now, when you have so much happiness, peace, wisdom, and joy that you spend your life sharing it with everyone else, no matter what your predicament, that's enlightenment. You have become a master.

When your life is no longer about you, has nothing to do with you, but is about everyone else whose life you touch, you have become a master.

In the end, that is why you came here. You did not come here to somehow ‘get better,’ or to ‘work on your stuff.’ Consider the possibility that all the work you will ever need to do is finished. All you have to do now is know that.

...Enlightenment, when it is all said and done, has nothing to do with what you do with your body or your mind. It has to do with what you do with your soul.

Now that’s a wonderful insight. Just the way you put that opens up the space for clarity. Nice.

Thank you. I want to share that if you simply love everyone whose life you touch endlessly, unconditionally, with nothing needed or wanted in return, you have become enlightened and you have shown everyone how they may be enlightened as well. As fast as any other system that exists, like that."

- Neale Donald Walsch - Tomorrow's God

Now that thanksgiving is approaching, reading this statement makes me aware what thanksgiving is about for me. Giving without expecting anything in return - just giving - does wonders in fulfilling our souls. But giving to your loved ones is easy - you love them already. I am taking on giving to others outside of my circle.

I give to you of myself, so that you may be yourself - and by doing so, you allow me to create myself - thank you.

An Angry Young Man

There's a place in the world for the angry young man
With his working class ties and his radical plans
He refuses to bend he refuses to crawl
And he's always at home with his back to the wall
And he's proud of his scars and the battles he's lost
And struggles and bleeds as he hangs on his cross
And likes to be known as the angry young man

Give a moment or two to the angry young man
With his foot in his mouth and his heart in his hand
He's been stabbed in the back he's been misunderstood
It's a comfort to know his intentions are good
And he sits in his room with a lock on the door
With his maps and his medals laid out on the floor
And he likes to be known as the angry young man

I believe I've passed the age of consciousness and righteous rage
I found that just surviving was a noble fight
I once believed in causes too
I had my pointless point of view
And life went on no matter who was wrong or right

And there's always a place for the angry young man
With his fist in the air and his head in the sand
And he's never been able to learn from mistakes
So he can't understand why his heart always breaks
And his honor is pure and his courage is well
And he's fair and he's true and he's boring as hell
And he'll go to the grave as an angry old man

Billy Joel Lyrics from Turnstiles

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This continues my previous post. Anger is a state of mind that we can control. Sometimes we are so used to our anger and so close to it that we start to miss it when it is no longer there. It start to become us. We can ultimately define ourselves by our anger.

Yes this sound ridiculous, but how many times have you said "I'm so angry I can kill him!" Isn't this an even more ridiculous thought! Kill him! - do you hear yourself talk! Are you a murderer? I think not, but our words are spoken w/such fervor and intention that the anger transmits. What you say becomes real. Real in that your words now a new existance. You put it out there - out in the ether. Real thoughts, real emotions, real intentions. Still think that is ridiculous? When we yell at our kids and call them idiots, stupid, dumbass - that becomes their reality. The child grows up believing these words to be their reality. See how our words become real!

See how our anger can get the best of us - how it becomes so comfortable that we do not think twice when words spill out of our mouths. The intent materializes it!

A Powerful & Fulfilling Life

Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends."
-- J.R.R Tolkien

The other day, my sister & I had a lengthy discussion. She feels that people have done her wrong & that she is really hurt. She feels attacked. Everybody has a right to be mad at whomever they want & yes, they are entitled to those feelings. But is that really a way to live life? I want a powerful & fulfilling life but this just does not fulfill my soul. So this is what I wanted to say to her - since she asked me for advise - but she did not want to hear. So I will post my words here, so for now she can get these words thru osmosis.

We have all been victimized, & some people can be really mean and hurtful. But if you can accept the possibility that being victimized is just a perception, you will realize that it is not an empowering way to live. I'm not trivialize your feelings & yes bad things, such as crimes, really do happen - but you are just talking about words people use & how they affect your emotions. What they choose to say & do are - just that - done! But can you consider that how YOU chose to see that situation will ultimately determine what the situation becomes. Further consider that you can create an effect & how that situation will affect you. For example, if I say "you said some mean things & they really hurt me" then that is who I choose to be - a person who is hurt. But if I say "the words you chose were hurtful & why did you say them to me?" then I have opened up the options. I am no longer a person who is hurt but one who has hurtful things said to me. Can you now see that the only thing that just happened was that mean words spilled out of their mouth. I an NO LONGER VICTIMIZED - no longer the VICTIM! I am a powerful being because I freely choose to be so!

I want you to think differently. Think for a second that everybody's actions can be taken as what we think them to be. Then think that if I perceive them & accept them as such - that's what they become.

"Thoughts are like magnets drawing effects to you..."

Now think that every action has an effect & an outcome. Further think that any outcome is only your perception of what happened. Does it not become clear to see that you actually have control of what you perceive & therefore you are in a position of power whereby you can affect an outcome!? The power to realize that results & outcomes are human creations & that I can create an outcome simply by what I want them to be. The outcome will simply be create by your intentions!

Nooooo! now you're thinking silly! The three million dollar lottery tomorrow will not necessarily be won by you - simply because you intent it so! But your close! Your feelings can no longer be affected by others - you have the power!

Your intention will be to - no longer let words create THAT effect on you!

The power of intention is an amazing tool! So intend that your word has power.

Just Imagine...

"From our orbital vantage point, we observe an Earth without borders, full of peace, beauty and magnificence. And we pray that Humanity as a whole can IMAGINE a borderless world, as we see it, and strive to live as one in Peace."
- William McCool
(Astronaut - died on February 1, 2003 over the southern United States when Space Shuttle Columbia and her crew perished during entry.)

McCool had requested John Lennon's song Imagine to be his 'space song.' His vision of what the world could be is inspiring.

I can only IMAGINE what he saw. A tremendous sense of power! Mixed with the realization that we are only specks of dust in the wind. Yes I can fathom how that view of our world could inspire him.

This image is a space image over Turkey. Looking at it I can visualize humanity as one borderless world.

I can picture a world where our country is no longer wrapped up by its own limited borders. I can imagine the self-created boundaries disappearing - no longer seperating us. No longer keeping us away from the others. All of a sudden I can picture an Indian in the Amazon jungle that much closer to me. I can visualize that starving child in Ethiopia as close as my own son.

All humans living as one. Yes, I can imagine that! Maybe one day I will be present to that level of magnificence.

Finding Strength

"Carefully compare the opposing army with your own, so that you may know where strength is superabundant and where it is deficient." [6:24]

- Sun Tzu's Art of War

This quote is very appropriate today. Business is always very exciting and challenging, but on days where clients start to challenge me (price, schedules) it almost feels like we are at war. They tend to belief that my work is a click-of-the-mouse away. They say "doesn't AutoCad do that automatically for you anyway? So this change should be a piece of cake!"

I have to analyze the situation & see where its coming from. I know that when money is involved, nobody wants to let it go - that's the reason they are well-off and can afford to have me design a multi-million dollar house for them. But the challenges need to be met not with confrontation but with strength and valor.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying its easy & that the challenges will go away. I'm just saying "deal with it as it comes." It is what it is. Don't make it personal but take it as Sun Tzu's quote says: analyze the situation for what it is, & act so that it does not become what it is not.

Stars Can Still Shine...

"Even in the desolate wilderness, stars can still shine."

- Aoi Jiyuu. Shiroi Nozomi

Even when things are not going your way, you can still shine - as long as you are true to yourself your energy will continue to flow.

Being authentic to yourself will allow you to to be who you are. That sense of self will always shine thru.

What matters

"In the end all that matters is what you do." - So do what matters....

- don't tell your children to "do as I say not as I do" they mimic all our actions NOT our words.

- don't say "I will be there in 5" when you really mean 1/2 hour.

"say what you mean and mean what you say."
-- Gen. George S. Patton, Jr.

All that you see or seem, is but a dream within a dream.
-- Edgar Allan Poe

Are dreams just an extension of our reality. Or like this quote states - we all live a dream within a dream?

Big Bang..

In an essay called "Before the Big Bang, There Was . . . What?" By Dennis Overbye he states that "Some theorists suggest that the Big Bang was not so much a birth as a transition, a 'quantum leap' from some formless era of imaginary time..."

According to quantum physics and the Big Band theory, our universe came from a big band and has been constantly expanding. Has it reached a maximum point of expansion? at which point it will start contracting and shrinking towards its point of origin. This point of origin is called a Black Hole, because it is a dark mass where even light cannot escape its grip. It is a highly compressed mass of matter. So in theory this mass will be so tightly compressed that it will implode and start a Big Band again.

Dennis Overbye continues.. "According to a theory known as eternal inflation, put forward by Dr. Linde in 1986, what we know as the Big Bang was only one out of many in a chain reaction of big bangs by which the universe endlessly reproduces and reinvents itself. 'Any particular part of the universe may die, and probably will die,' Dr. Linde said, 'but the universe as a whole is immortal.'"

Life is constantly expanding and contracting. like our universe, our lives do not have a beginning nor an end. It is not a linear progression with a start or end. It is an infinate cycle of existance. What is, has always been and always will be. Doesn't this sound like God? the everpresent and almighty source of energy and of course the source of our existance.

The beginning and the end, the Alpha and the Omega.

So shouldn't we accept the fact that our existance does not have an end, so therefore does not have a beginning. I mean that our linear definition of time is an artificial human construct and not the way that God intended for us to exist. When we die, I believe, is not the end of our existance, but a transition to another form of our existance. For example, when you go on a journey, you get on a plane,train or car and go to your destination. You are not the vehicle for the trip but are the passenger. When you get there you are transformed into 'vacation mode' and enjoy a different life. When you get home you are the same person you were before the trip started.

So therefore the trip was only a small part of your life. You have the memories and the good/bad experiences from it, but they are no longer a part of your day today. I believe that our lives are the same way. This trip (our lives) is a small part of who we are. We experience and remember our days but they are only a small spec of our total spiritual existance. We exist in an infinate continuum never ending never dying. Yes our bodies die, but the body is only the vehicle of this part of our journey. It is not our whole existance.

Think of it this way, An acorn growns on the tree and one way it must part ways and must fall to the ground. You may think that it is now dead, that it will now roll away - possibly get washed away, but alas it is only the start. The acorn needs to fall if it will one day become a tree. This is God's Ultimate Triumph - the continuum of our existance.

Transcend Your Boundaries

See not only with your eyes but with your heart and soul.

Over the last few years, I have watched my mother-in-law get sick and die. Violeta was and is a pure and beautiful soul. I have watched my father-in-law get sick and fight with God for keeping him alive thru all this. Angel is a strong and wonderful soul. His strong temperament is also evident in the way that he fights us when all we are doing is helping him. You would think that all he wants is to be left alone. These events have had a major impact on my life, but the saddest moment of all and the one that hurts the most is watching something in my wife, die. Don't get me wrong, Mercedes is beautiful, young, strong, vibrant and full of life. She is a loving wife. Surprisingly she is still a trusting soul and a caring spirit, but she seems to have lost a piece of herself, a certain - "je ne sais quoi"

Let me explain. Since 1997, my wife has been doing what every child is supposed to do. She has been taking care of her parents in their dying days. She does it with so much love; with so much compassion and with an unwavering dedication - but all at a heavy cost. She was totally devoted to her mother up to the day Violeta past away. And today she is totally devoted to her father - she is by Angel's side everyday - all day - even when he pushes her away and strikes her and makes a tear fall from her eye. It is beautiful to see how God works through her. Her dedication, vigor and love for humanity is undiminished even thought humanity has failed her on many occasions. See, she assumed certain things from humanity. Things that we all take for granted. She was expecting a soothing hand to wipe her tears the day her mother died. She was hoping for a strong shoulder to cry on, the day her spirit faltered. She was praying for the soft voice of a friend to be there the day she realized that she would never again hear her mother's soft voice. But humanity was not there. I guess I am spoiled with all my brother and sisters - they were always there for me and my family. But Mercy is an only child. As such life has a way of getting in the way of our humanity.

Our lives are so full and so busy with things like careers, car pooling, children, and the search for better jobs, bigger houses, and nicer vacations. It is the way life just is! I'm sad to admit that I too was wrapped up in that excuse. I was busy with my career, with paying bills, with raising my son and with fighting with God - questioning how can He let this all happen to such a wonderful soul. I was stuck behind excuses and hiding behind my fear of death. We all do that - we all protect ourselves from the unpleasant. We do not want to see the sick at the hospital, nor want to deal with the smells of death. We do not want to hear the howling cries of the suffering nor the banging sounds of their frustrations. We shelter ourselves from these horror, we shelter our Egos from pain. Yes our Egos don't allow us to deal with soiled diapers, or stool in between Angel's fingertips. Who wants to see this loss of dignity in his eyes. Who wants to deal with turning him every two hours to prevent bed sores. My ego wonders why Mercy & I should have to put up with Angel's illness day after day.

But, let me tell you, Mercy was there day after day without questioning why; without faltering. See we have lost sense of what is really important. Have we forgotten summers spent at grandma's house, holiday meals shared with several generations sitting at the same table. We have forgotten to look up to heaven and realize that we are just small specks in this overwhelming universe. We have forgotten what unconditional love really is. We have forgotten how much of a miracle life really is. Yes we feel the pain of a loved one getting sick & dying. It hurts and we all grieve together with the family, but do we really know what has just happened? Do we really realize that death leaves behind broken hearts and downtrodden spirits. Death not only takes away our loved one, but leaves many wounded in its path of devastation. Do we take the time to see who is left behind and in what condition? I'm sorry to say that life just goes on and tries to deal with tomorrow's problems. The mortgage is due and the cell phone is ringing - gotta go!

Back then, seeing Violeta in the nursing home, I realized how short and precious life really is. See I would see Mercy go to the nursing home every morning and every night, I would see her wash Violeta's tired face with the soap of life - hoping to keep death away from her. I would see Angel go to serve Violeta's breakfast every morning with a plate of love on the side, I would see him serve her lunch with a sprinkle of sunshine and I would see him feed her dinner with an added spice of life - so that she could live another day. To this day Mercy did the same for her dad. At the nursing home, my eyes showed me that this was normal - all families do that - right?? But once my eyes were opened and I took a real look around, this time with my heart and soul, I realized that many residents there are not only love-deprived but are completely forgotten about. I would see old ladies sitting in their chairs all alone and forgotten. Sure daughters & sons would call & ask "how is my mom? Fine? perfect, thank you - gotta go now!" Life has just continued around them. Maybe they made their lives that way, but nobody deserves to die alone and forgotten. Our careers are taking up too much time, the house demand too much attention. Is this excuse really worth it, will your loved ones be there tomorrow when you do find the time?? Or will it, one day, be YOUR children calling the nursing home, in between their busy schedules, to see if you are - fine?

Please make the time now! Take the time now to see around you. See not only with your eyes but with your heart and soul as well. Use your eyes to survey the surface of your existence, but use your heart to really feels the depths of its surroundings. Even better, see the possibility that your soul has the freedom to transcends its boundaries. See your loved ones and feel their day to day struggle, with your soul. Provide a spiritual helping hand to heal the wounded heart. Transcend your boundaries and answer prayers. Even something as simple as showing up at the hospital when you have an hour to spare will help someone who is overwhelmed with the anchor of sorrow and pain. Lifting the load of that anchor, even only for that hour, would do wonders - more than you can ever imagine. Forget your fears and quarks just do it - do it for them. We are all God's family and as such we need to consider each other as brothers and sisters. Transcend your boundaries and feel the possibility of love for your brothers and sisters.

Thank you Lord for never letting us fall far from your side and Lord help Mercy recover from her loses.

Challenges to Conquer

(Original Date: July 5, 1997)

This blog seems to be sporadic. I’m not sure why my entries are spread out. I do have many dreams that are perfect candidates for this blog, but I don’t seem to write them down. Most of the time I tend to forget the dreams as soon as I wake up. By the time I’m brushing my teeth, I can’t recall what I dreamt. Charlie says that my dreams are messages for my reality. He said that I am afraid to know what is being told to me. I guess I am afraid, but of what? I have always wanted to know what is beyond us or who is out there. And I can’t see why I would be afraid of it now. Maybe I want to know who is sending me these messages & what am I supposed to be doing with them. I sometimes feel that I should not be keeping them to myself, but I’m afraid to show them to anyone.

Maybe that's the challenge to be conquered. It is commonly known that dreams are a message from your subconcious. What are the messages I am getting thru my dreams?

Could it be that I should take a chance that not everyone will understand what I’m thinking or feeling. It’s ok if they do not understand or care. The only thing that matters is if I care enough to express my dreams/feelings therefore the purpose of this blog.

Brand new blog!

I will be posting entries (past and present) about my dreams within the next few days. I will be posting the most exciting, most intriguing and the dreams that have a major impact to my waking moments.

I hope that my thoughts will entertain, or even enlighten - while I try to solve the riddles of my dreams.