Scent of a Woman

It is midnight as I return home.
asleep, I will find her again.
Undressing in the dark, I feel my way
towards the foot of the bed.

Head into the bath readying for bed
Brush my teeth and check the stubble.
As usual, I stare into the mirror to see
the effects of the day.
Today's toils were not so bad after all.

I turn off the bath lights and
walk into the darkness of the room.
I prop up one pillow & set the other
ready to hug it goodnight.

I pull the sheets over my head
and kiss my wife good night.
As I lean forward I smell the
sweet scent of her skin.
And remembered why I love her.

I wish to tell her so this moment.
But alas, it must wait for the dawn.
As tomorrow will be another day.

Thought of the Day - May 22, 2008

Today, like every other day,
We wake up empty and frightened.
Don't open the door to the study
And start reading.
Take down the dulcimer.
Let the beauty we love
Be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways
To kneel and kiss the ground.
- Rumi 13th Century Sufi Poet

What I am getting from this poem is to live what I love and pursue my authentic path. Don't die, as Wayne Dyer says... "with your music still in you." Express yourself authentically not only in what you do, but in what you say and in who you ARE. Let your essence shine thru and BE who you were meant to be.

I get that this is easier said then done. Circumstances, negative people & the daily grind of life keeps me in the "study" away from life, in my head. But allowing my authentic self to be expressed provides more joy in life for me then staying in my head. Every day - damn - every moment I have this choice.

And I get to choose what that moment will be like.

Peace & Serenity

"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated." -- Confucius

A time existed when I
needed to always be right.
I needed to impose that
on you.

A time existed when I
made you wrong & that I
needed to fix you.

A time existed when I
blew you off simply
because you did not
agree with me.

That time seems to have
occupied an eternity.
It seems to have taken you
from me. It seems to
have defined me.

So now I want to live
a time where judgements
are non-existant.

A time where I don't
need to make things right.

I want a time where life is
lived to the fullest with you.

Where would I be...

Where would I be
without you?

Like a vagabond at the
edge of the shore,
I would be searching
for my guiding light.

Without your love
I would be a lost bird
dying by the side
of the road.

Without you,
how can I say
I am complete.
How can I say
that I am me.

Live life on the edge....

On the fringe is where life lives.
Sitting in the middle,
on the fence, life passes us by.

In the middle
we survey the world around us.
We look around and see
life going by.
We can spend all our existence
sitting on the fence without
really living life.

Ahh! But on the edge
life is really lived.
Here we can see the
beginning and the end.
Standing at the Rock of Gibralter
we can feel the Alpha & the Omega.

Here we can see the boundary
of our earth only because
of the darkness of space.
It's all black & white.

Only in the darkness of space
can we define the radiance
of the all mighty sun.

Only because a flower pops up from
the ground can we visualize
life in a deserted world.

So too by defining this edge
can we really see our humanity.
We can only define love
by its opposite - hatred.

Only when love starts can we really say
that hatred has ended.
Only peace can stop war dead in its track.
Only an "I'm sorry" can ease the
pain created by negative words.

Your words are your power
only on the edge can you really
distinguish the brilliance
of your word.

Give your words meaning.
Give them power & significance
Give yourself integrity.

"Say what you mean and mean what you say"
- Gen. George S. Patton, Jr.

With the window now opened...

With the window now opened
I stand here exposed.
Who am I
Who do I perceive me to be.

Becoming aware that you are there.
I hurry outside to the sunlit street.
So as not to be the focus of your gaze.

I walk down to the playground to
blend in - to disappear - to forget.

My mind rehashes the day's events...
Can my mother be right? Or is it
my younger sister who is right?
Or could it be that my older sister
deserves the Right to be right.

Where does the truth lie?
On what side of my pristine, white
picket fence shall I stand?
Who should I talk to
to show them the way?

As I walk the streets of my life,
I reach an intersection.
Strong crosswinds catch me off guard.
Disoriented, I spin to keep my balance again
Or... maybe for the first time.
I'm trying to stay in control & not let
the situation control me.

I take a breather
& escape into a Blockbuster.
In the background I hear Al Pacino's quote
"Every time I try to get out,
they pulling me back in!"

Should I walk away from this??
But what if I don't fix things?
will my sisters still love each other?
Will they still be there for me
when the sun sets in the west?

Now at the playground, I see myself
hanging on to the spinning wheel game.
I spin & spin looking at the sun
whirling around - loosing my ground.
Afraid to let go, I hang for dear life
afraid of what could happen
if I do let go.

I hear Pacino over & over again
Ringing in my head.
I can no longer remain the "fix-it-man"
I need to stop this wheel
so I can let go.

I need to let my family
be what it needs to be.

---

A position of power. A point of strength
A clearing required for my rebirth.

A memory that strikes me when writing this, was when my parents divorced.
I felt abandoned. I felt lost. I realize now that the character I have allowed to control my life is the "fix-it-man."
I've been doing this because I was afraid that if I stopped trying to make things right - I would lose my mother & sisters as well. I know that this is just a perception, but one that has been controlling my life.

What I visualized was the day I am at my deathbed. Which sister would be there by my side & which one would stay away just to avoid the other. It's funny, we see it all the time in sitcoms & in tv dramas. Brothers and sisters who have not spoken to each other in many, many years - all because one said something the other did not agree with. This is not funny nor dramatic - it is sad. I have seem many old men & women, in the nursing homes, die all alone just because of this issue.

No! it is not acceptable! I hereby take a stand for powerful listening, love and family.

A Simple Touch...

Long gone are the days
when a simple caress
spoke louder than words.
And the warm response that came
said more than words can say.

A simple touch
has meaning and warmth,
has human feelings attached
to its fingertips

A simple touch
when not found
can leave emptyness
in its path.

A simple touch
speaks from the heart
A simple caress
speaks louder than words

Long gone are the days
when the words of a
simple touch
could be heard, again.

One Hundred Years

Even if it takes one hundred years
I will never understand why
someone has to suffer
as much as Angel does.

All he wanted was
to be left alone.

I will never understand why
Mercy had to go thru all this pain.
All she ever wanted was
to make her parents happy

It's amazing what we have accomplished
in one hundred years.

Planes, trains and automobiles.
Man on the moon and a rover on Mars.
Found life from outer space and even
debated the existence of God.

But does it really take
one hundred years to
improve quality of life?

Many souls suffer and die alone
Nursing homes full of -
forgotten people.
Families too busy to worry,
too busy to care.
Doctors find it easier
to let them go -
easier than to care for them.

I don't think I can understand that,
even if it takes one hundred years.

Next Spring - Again

Do not cry for me
on these last days of winter.
For spring is around the corner
and a new day will come.
Soon the sun will rise
and will sit proud in the sky.
Days will be long and
full of life!

Happy and joyful will be my days
seeing old friends, all over again
so please make winter end
and just let spring -
begin again.

This life has been good
and full of joy,
but the cycle of life
comes for us all

Winter, spring, summer and fall
"It is good" said God to us all,
so, see you around,
my little child,
see you around -
next spring again.

Angel, in Hospice
gets tender care.
His body - frail
and weak again -
sets like the sun in a slow descend.
Little by little his winter ends.

Please God, help Angel -
see spring
again.

Rejoice for a brand new life is granted you.

(Original Date :June 5, 1997)

Rejoice for you are granted this beautiful gift from God.
Protect this baby with all your will and
love him with all your heart
for God has entrusted you with the greatest gift he can give…
The gift of life.

A brand new life, a brand new soul
A brand new gift to make us whole.

A gift to cherish, a gift to protect
from all the evil and injustice on this earth.

God has loaned you a new life and it is up to you to ensure
that this beautiful new baby is well prepared for his journey
in life, a journey to fulfill God’s plan.

---

I had this dream several months before my son was born.

---

Knightly Challange

(Original date: May 29,1997)
What is this you ask?
Ask not for knowing will only torment you.

Torment! Ha!
Torment is an old acquaintance
as familiar as a playground bully
from my childhood days...
or as classic as a rejection
from a high school sweetheart.

So do not threaten with such impotent words
Words will not suffice in this battlefield.

---

This dream came just like my medieval dreams seem to. I am a young peasant boy with trashy clothes and a ‘mop top’ hair do. I have black hair and its dirty – almost shiny & greasy. This time I find myself transformed into a knight on a black horse in the mist of battle. The words are my challenge - too whom, I do not know...

---

Superman can't help us!

(original date: ??,1997)
Superman can’t help us
He’s in a wheelchair now.
It’s not his fault,
we should have learned
To take care of ourselves.

Where are our superheroes?
Now, when we need them the most.

Superman can’t help us
Who can save us now

---

Part of the feeling that I got with this dream (when Christopher Reeves had his accident) was that ‘Superman’ couldn’t help us now. I took this to mean that society's inability to be responsible for its actions has left us defenseless. By relying on mythical imagery (tv stars, tv characters) to solve our societal turmoil, we have lost our self-reliance. Life does imitate art! Our needs are satisfied (more like - put off) by what we see in the movies. We make heroes of movie stars and professional athletes rather than looking within. Social leaders and members of our community are larger than life and can be a better role model & ‘superior’ mentors.

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