Hiding Out

"There, by sharing something, I realized that I'm not alone, that there is a lot of people that share with me the same preoccupations, the same ideas, the same ideals, and the same quest for a meaning for this life."
-- Paulo Coelho

It's been a few months since I've written any posts here. Let me rephrase that - I have written them, they're there, but they sit there unpublished - just waiting for me to push the 'publish' button. So now I have lots of 'draft' posts just sitting - in bold red - there waiting to be posted.

Waiting for what, I don't know...

"You are selfish!" is what my friend Beatrice yelled at me when I shared with her what I have been doing. "Share yourself, anyway! Don't hide behind the Vail..." is what she said as she nudged my shoulder.

So here I am sharing myself. The posts have mostly been about SM, and another visitation that culminated this week, when my aunt Olga passed away. The 'Vail' I was hiding behind is that they hit too close to home. I was afraid of sharing - didn't even share it with my wife.

But isn't that why I started this blog - to share my experiences - no matter what my 'little voice' has to say about it.

So for the next day or two I will be 'publishing' my posts with their original dates. Sorry if the feed is out of order.

Today is the Day

Today is the day!! TR called me and requested time to speak with me about SM. I am a little nervous now but it is time to "face the music" (as the saying goes) and deliver to her, the message entrusted in me.

TR is a friend with whom I have shared about my 'abilities' She knows what it is I do and her first question was: "Did SM communicate with you?"

"Oh-boy" was my first thought, but this is what my dream w/SM said would happen. I shared with her that yes, I have seen him prior to his passing. "Was he wearing a dark shirt w/stripes & a Khaki slacks that night?" was her next question. "Yes, I seem to remember he was..." I replied wondering - that's an odd question. But accepted that this gave her a sense of peace in knowing the answer.

"I ask only because I have not seem SM in a few weeks and the night of his accident he was on his way to my house to spend the weekend with me..." She paused for a minute & I asked her what she was thinking. "I gave him that clothes and that night, I woke up at 1am because I dreamt he was waving goodbye - wearing that clothes." As she said these words she broke down crying. "It's my fault! If he wasn't on his way to see me he would not have died..."

"Don't say that TR, don't you ever believe that! It was his time to go..." I consoled her with a firm tone of voice. "It was the way it needed to be and there is nothing you nor I could have done to have it be different!"

"How can you be sure of that?" She questioned me as she stopped crying.
She asked me to tell her what I saw. As I'm telling her this, she stops me. "No, tell me what else did you see?" So I shared with her the experience I had of SM that night and I shared how I saw him. That his spirit started to leave his body during the middle of the seminar. I saw his spirit ascended and finally leave as he was being acknowledged in front of his peers and how he left complete, that moment, even before the accident.

"He was gone even before the accident?"

"Yes TR," I assured her "his spirit had to go & all that was left was for his physicality to complete & go to rest." This seemed to put her at ease a bit.

Well, showtime is here! this is the moment SM spoke about and I could feel her hurting heart yearning for peace. I relayed the message I got from SM:

That because of her love, he can go complete. She fulfills and completes what was not there for him. It was her love for him that allowed him to be fulfilled."

Having been loved and being 'love' was important for him in order to complete. And she gave him that.

This seemed to calm her soul and seemed to put her at ease. We continued to talk for hours and now her tone of voice was peaceful. She needs to grieve, but can now do so knowing that it was his time. Not worrying, that the accident took his life before he was ready.

We will never be ready to go, but our soul knows when our time comes.

What is the Message...

This morning I woke up from another vivid dream. I had been dreaming about SM & I was having a conversation with him as to why I saw him the way I did. In the dream SM never seemed to be interested in answering what I wanted to know, it was almost as if he would only explain what his purpose was. He explained that he wants his wife, TR, to know that everything is going to be OK. That his passing is as has to be & that there is nothing wrong.

See SM & TR were newlyweds and at the time of his passing they were only married 6-8 months. Of course loosing her newlywed husband is a tragic experience for TR & I asked SM "How am I going to tell her in the mist of this grief?"

SM replied "don't worry she will contact you when it's time!" This kind of gave me a sigh of relief - since I didn't have to find the right moment to tell her.

When I awoke from the dream I felt a great sense of peace & tranquility. See on the day of the accident I went down to see TR and I was there consoling her for a few hours. I knew I had to tell her how I saw SM, but did not dare. I was there for her & I had to consider what her needs were. She cried a lot and kept saying "what am I going to do without SM?"

Then during the funeral services I was holding back the urge to blurt out what I knew. I felt guilty, all that time, that I knew something & said nothing. The funeral service was gigantic - it was not the appropriate time to tell her this! Hundreds of people were there and hundreds more could not be. See SM was a powerful man & he contributed to so many people around the world. He was bigger then life & bigger then I even imagined.

Condolences poured in from all over the world. There even was a conference call for all the people that knew SM, and could be at funeral, to express who SM was for them. Interesting enough there more then 100 persons on the call. People from India, Japan, Australia and even New Zealand. That is how big his presence is in this world.

Now, with this vivid dream, I am at ease knowing that my gut feelings are confirmed - it was not the right time to tell her.

It's funny, most people (or at least the myths & tv movies) believe that 'ghosts' have unfinished business, that is why they hang around. But from my experiences, it is not them - but us - the living who keep them from crossing over. They are complete & it is time for them to go, but we have a hard time letting go. We call them back to this realm.

So anyway, the message that SM wanted TR to know, is that because of her, he can go complete. She fulfills and completes what was not there for him. It was her love for him that allowed him to be fulfilled.

Having been loved and being 'love' was important for him in order to complete.

The Soul's Purpose

I'm still thinking of SM & his passing. He passed February 8th to be exact. I was working in his group to create an event and in the process of creating the event I learned a lot from him. The event is going to start on the 26th and I wanted to back out, because SM would not be there. But you know what - it would not honor SM if I do back out. So therefore I am moving forward anyway. He would have told me to do that anyway.

There are many things that I will have as a memory of him - thanks SM for the generosity - but one thing that he always said, sticks with me the most...

"We as human beings are always given by the little voice that runs in our heads. Do you want to have an extraordinary life? Well then - thank that little voice for sharing and then get on with the task at hand - fulfilling on our soul's purpose!"

--SM

The task at hand IS fulfilling on our soul's purpose. We are driven to be bigger then we know ourselves to be. We are driven to wonder what else is out there.

The one thing that I allow to stop me is wondering if I can do it.

Well it's time to stop wondering and start living larger then I know myself to be. In the memory of SM, I am getting on with my soul's purpose. And I am taking on being bigger then I know myself to be on this event.

This I do to honor SM's stand and the space he leaves wide open.

Perception is Key

For the last few days I've been wondering why SM's visitation was so different. I've never experienced a spirit present itself like that. In the past they show up in my dreams - never in real life.

But in analyzing this visitation, what I saw that was different is only how I choose to pereceive it. See in the previous visits I've choosen to call then dreams or visions, never choosing to consider them to be my reality. I guess you could say that I was in denial that this is my gift. But SM's visitation was real!

I realized that this is not the first time that the spirit presents itself in a phusical way during waking moments. For example Valmi's Visit was a light energy (aura) in the corner of my room.

Im my mother-in-law's visit, the spirit was a physical breeze and the scent of her favorite flower, the violet, showing up in the middle of the day.

So SM's visit, what I experienced was a light energy.

I'm starting to accept that it will present itself in so many different unexpected ways. What there is to do - just accept it!

Shine On You Crazy Diamond

The common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the 'all seeing eye' pierces through, and reads the heart and the soul, finding there capacities which the outside didn't indicate or promise, and which the other kind couldn't detect.
--Mark Twain

Today I got really bad news. SM, a friend & mentor passed away! He is a powerhouse & an inspiration for me and many other people with whom he had contact. I could not accept this news so I called a friend we had in common and I asked her... "Tell me it isn't so!"

She replied "I can't do that - it is so..."

This news hit me extremely hard & I broke down and cried. I don't know why it hit me so hard. Maybe because I just saw him last night. Or maybe because it confirmed what I knew last night. I knew he was leaving.

You've heard of the expression "The eyes are the windows of the soul.." Well last night, SM's soul was exiting out thru his windows! His soul would no longer be contained within the smallness of his human package and the light could not be contained. A bright light started emanating from his collar, his eyes and from the top of his head. I knew last night, in the middle of the event, that SM's soul was departing but i did not want to acknowledge it.

SM shined last night, both literally & figuratively. See he managed the production of the event and was in charge of anything that happened with the facility and equipment. Well both the facility and the equipment acted up and of course SM took care of it. The evening was his and he shined. And I had the great honor to see him shine.

First when the lights started to flicker, SM runs out the door to manage it. I was sitting in the front row & saw his light leaving for the first time. I tried connecting with his eyes but could not see them. The light was more like a dim glow & some glare on his glasses. The building lights flickered, then shut off and then a few minutes latter they came on. When SM walked back in, he looked normal so I thought nothing of it.

Then the lights decided to alternate - one row on & nothing else, then another section & nothing else. Again SM left the room & again I tried to connect with his eyes. The glare was much stronger and looked like it was spilling around the rim. When he came back in, he looked normal again.

The third event was the building's fire alarm going off. this time it was a strong and beautiful light. I could see the light emanating from his eyes and reflected off his glasses. It was so consistent that it blocked me from seeing his eyes. All I could see is a shine around his eyes, a reflected back image on the lens and a halo around his head. Wow!

Finally, at the end of the evening SM & his crew were called to the front to be acknowledged and in that moment, before he stood up, the halo pulled off towards the ceiling. The glow left him. He was now complete as he was being acknowledged. He was free to go and left completely fulfilled.

Within hours his body completed it's purpose and at 10:15pm, SM was no longer on this earth. That evening SM's life was completed in a fatal car accident. He went on to shine on out in the universe...

He was an amazing powerhouse & a beautiful soul shining and giving love to everyone he met. Shine on you crazy diamond...