Vivid Dreamscapes

Foolish Old Man - The Sweet Scent of Spring...

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 06:31:00 +0000

The flowers in the lobby look a little sad today. They are drooping and falling onto the table. But the scent hits me as soon as I entered the seventh floor lobby.

The sweet-smelling purple flowers fill the room with life, if only for a moment.

Stepping off the elevator and into the lobby, the only person I see is Kirk. With his back to the elevator, he seems to sense that it is me...

"those are Violets you smell..." he said "I ought to know! I've trimmed them this morning as I have done for forty-seven seasons!" he continued as-matter-of-factly.

"Hi Kirk!" I squeezed in, but he just continued...

"Forty-seven springs of bloom did I tender!" He pauses as if all of a sudden lost in his own thoughts.

"Even in Nam I grew them! I picked them every morning and placed them on the net of my helmet."

Wait a second... He's not talking to me! he's just recounting his memories. Reliving the moments that the scent of the violets brings.

"Nope! Nam couldn't kill that..." Now Kirk seems to pause for a second.

That moment lasted for a few minutes and then all of a sudden a happy moment seems to slip in.

"We even had Violets at my oldest's wedding! Every Spring my daughters used to wake up to the sweet scent of violets. I don't know why, but slowly the rough years and months seem to make the sweet scent just fade away. Violets seemed to be around less and less till one day..."

Kirk stopped!

"...till one day what, Kirk? what happened?" I implored to know.

"One day - Betty died."

Kirk stopped all together. The trip down memory lane ended and he just slumped forward in his chair. Kirk reverted back to being a resident at the nursing home and the only thing running now is the drool down his cheek.

So sad to see them just stop like that.

The Power of Hate & Pardon

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 00:48:00 +0000

Sharing a story by Paulo Coelho that is so appropriate today

The Power of Hate & Pardon

"It’s very difficult. But there is no choice: if you don’t pardon, then you’ll think about the pain they caused you and that pain will never go away. I’m not saying that you have to like those who do you wrong. I’m not telling you to go back to that person’s company. I’m not suggesting that you start seeing that person as an angel or as someone who acted without any hurtful intentions. All I am saying is that the energy of hate will take you nowhere, but the energy of pardon which manifests itself through love will manage to change your life in a positive sense.”

“I have been hurt many times.”

“That’s the reason that you still bear within yourself the little boy who cried hiding from his parents, the boy who was the weakest in his class. You still bear the marks of that frail little boy who could never find a girlfriend and was never good at sports. You haven’t managed to chase off the scars of some injustices they committed against you during your life. But what good does that do you? None at all. Absolutely nothing. Just a constant desire to feel sorry for yourself for being the victim of those who were stronger. Or else dress up like an avenger ready to inflict more wounds on those who hurt you. Don’t you think you’re wasting your time with all that?”

“I think it’s human.”

“It’s certainly human. But it’s neither intelligent nor reasonable. Respect your time on this Earth, understand that God has always pardoned you, and learn to pardon too.”

After this conversation with J, which took place just before I traveled to spend 40 days in the Mojave desert in the United States, I began to understand better the boy, the adolescent, the hurt adult I once was. One morning, going from the Valley of Death in California to Tucson in Arizona, I made a mental list of everyone I thought I hated because they had hurt me. I went along pardoning them one by one and six hours later, in Tucson, my soul felt so light and my life had changed much for the better.
- Paulo Coelho

Being Thankful

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 16:02:00 +0000

In these days of economic downturn, job loss, disappearances of investments & funds, foreclosures & loss of faith, the common question I hear is "Why is this happening?" Well allow me to say that it is a useless question. And if I stay there then all I will be doing is wasting my days trying to "figure out why!" What is gone is gone!

The only really valuable question is:

"What Can I learn from it?"

Because this question then leads me to ask "What do I choose to do now?" Now this question is really empowering and worthwhile asking!!

The "why" question simply perplexes, leaves me disempowered - that I might never get out of - and hardly ever leaves me satisfied. It never gives a good answer just more why's.

So don't try to "figure it out."
Do as Bob Newhart says and just

"Stop it!"

Stop wasting energy & just focus on what you now wish to create. There is now a clean slate in front of you where you can create a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g!!

Keep moving forward!!
There is nothing behind you - it is all gone & done! Focusing on how it worked or did not work won't change a darn thing! The future is not guaranteed for any of us. Just focusing on what is possible right now is what best serves you. Being your highest thoughts & your highest self right now is all there really is.

So on this day of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for having you in my life; I am thankful for the life that God grants me; I am thankful for the freedoms we have; Thnakful for the ability to let go of the past & for the will to make life work - right now!- no matter what shows up!

I am Thankful for Family

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:51:00 +0000

As a child I have always held the belief that 'Family Comes First.' I have always lived that way & even considered a 'value' worth having.

Little by little family members grow up, each sibling has a family of their own & they each have their own priorities. As the expression goes 'that's life!' But somehow I still held on to the believe that family comes first. If I had a conflict in schedule between a family event or a personal event, the family event won - no questions asked. Of course over the years friends saw this & they went their seperate ways, loves I've had were envious & also went their way. Sitting alone I pondered if I've made the right decision, along came one of my sister to offer a shoulder to cry on & I knew I have.

Over the years and over the days. Weeks come & go like the wind. The winds of last few years have been tough. The economy, the bickering & the death of our mother has torn us apart. And my family, like the sand on the beach, some gather up in dunes & some wash away. My believe of 'family comes first' has withered away. Now all I can do is dream of days gone by.

But that dream and desire still exists in me. I long for a close knit family & maybe naively I still live like 'family comes first' even though that is not the way some of my siblings feel. So I hold on steadfast.

I remember when my father-in-law had a stroke, my wife & I took care of him. Rushing him to the hospital in the late-night hours due to an emergency, Mercy would go & I took care of the homefront - we worked as a team. I have had to change my daily plans to be there for my wife & her father. It was tough, but I did it - not as a sacrifice - but because family comes first. He lived with us, in our home on a hospital bed unable to move or communicate for seven months. We cared for him. It was not easy, but it was not a drudgery. This is what families do - be there for each other - right?

I am reminded of all the times that he came to my rescue, night or day. Anytime - I knew we could always count on him. He already knew that family comes first. So when it was time to care for him my thought is - It is the least I could do!

Even yesterday! My wife's car broke down. I was not at home nor nearby to help her, but my brother & her best-cousin were there! They went no questions asked! No matter the distance or the inconvenience - They were there.

Even though it does not look like it used to, I still hold my believe that my family will believe in 'family comes first.' Yes my hope flickers like the message alert on my cell phone. Silently blinking. Patiently waiting to be noticed. But I still hold it as a value worth having.

On this day before Thanksgiving, I want to give thanks for my family. The way they are and the way that they are not - in my life.

Please Don't Bomb the Moon...

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 01:59:00 +0000

What the heck are we thinking!!??

I think we (USA) have really, really lost our minds! OK, I can buy the bombing of Afghanistan - those lousy Taliban...

OK, Iraq... Remember Iraq, they ~~lied~~ told us that Saddam had Weapons of Mass Destruction and we all bought it! Shame on me! In the last few weeks, they are intent to bomb Iran - all to take advantage of it's natural resources (children can you say... o-i-l).

But now we are gonna bomb the moon for it's water. I distrust the intent of this mission. See the government has set a bad precedent & I just can't take their word for it anymore. In the past, they've sold us a ~~down-right lie~~ 'valid' reason when they really had ulterior motives. What they really sold us was flagrantly not true! All to get those countries' oil.

Now back to the moon - they tell us that they found water on the moon & this is the ~~excuse~~ reason why we are gonna create an explosion the size of a large city - so they can capture the water droplets in the debris. The plume the explosion will create is soooo large that we will be able to see it from the earth. Is that really necessary????

Does this sound a bit extreme to you as well????

I have an extract from the article that explains the project (I found it on counterpunch.org )

And now, once again, there are plans to bomb the Moon. This time the unilateral strike is aimed at the Moon’s South Pole and the payload will be delivered by the LCROSS (Lunar CRater Observation and Sensing Satellite) spacecraft; the excuse given is that this is an effort to find water deep under lunar surface. The craft was launched in late June and is currently orbiting the Earth until it finds its target; if all goes according to plan, the M-Day bombing will be October 8, 2009.

The plan is this: the LCROSS first shoots off its 2,300-pound spent booster-rocket at the lunar target zone. Four minutes later, in a scheme apparently inspired by fanatical terrorist airline hijackers, the rest of the robotic LCROSS craft slams into the same area. Like crazed kamikaze paparazzi, the craft will snap photos and transmit data on the first strike back to NASA’s mad bombers before immolating itself in a second explosion. This violent hi-tech sci-fi spectacle will cost anywhere up to $600 million, a price tag that is an outrageous insult to the millions of working people unable to feed, house, or medically treat their families. (As Gil Scott-Heron lamented in 1974: “How come there ain’t no money here? Hmm! Whitey’s on the Moon…”)

Of course, there is much more behind this attack than casual scientific curiosity on whether or not there is water on the Moon. First of all, since the long-range accuracy of intercontinental ballistic missiles has never been proven to work, the LCROSS suicide mission serves as a live-fire test exercise for US war strategists with an interest in the precision of orbiting satellite weapons—in other words, the southern hemisphere of the Moon will be turned into a firing range, making this mission one giant leap for the global reach of space warfare. Secondly, LCROSS has been promoted as “the vanguard” for the US military-industrial-entertainment complex’s return to the Moon—according to NASA, finding water is a necessary first step for “building a long-term and sustainable human presence” there. Historically, the purpose of exploration has always been the exploitation of resources and the colonization of territory without regard for ecosystems or indigenous peoples, and clearly the Moon is the next territory coveted by imperialists.

So now we are gonna blow a hole on the moon & make it look even more like Swiss Cheese. I as much as the next guy love to see stuff blow up, but this project does not sit well.

So back to my theory... If this is just a cover story, then what would be a real reason to blow up the moon? DISCLAIMER: This is just my theory. I'm speculating & having fun making this up. Why? Because this NASA project is so OUT THERE, so OVERDONE, so OUTLANDISH, and 600 million dollars, all to prove there is water on the moon. HELLOOO-OOOOHH! And if you buy that, I have a beautiful bridge that I can sell you... I'm speculating & having a 'conspiracy-theori-itis' moment & I'm pissed that USA lies to us. I'm venting so don't make it mean ANYTHING...

Maybe they are blowing up something they don't want us to see...At first I was not going to offer this as an option, I laughed & thought it's so ridiculous. but a statement from Former United Nations Ambassador and Fox News analyst John Bolton, and several other scientists, made me thing twice. John Bolton stated: "What the sam hell is going on over on the side [of the moon] we can't see?" Bolton asked. "How do we know the Lunarians aren't amassing weapons of mass goddamn destruction using superior space technology purchased from an advanced race of mantis-like extra-terrestrials? The answer is, 'we don't.'"That statement sounds out there - Lunarians on the dark-side of the moon... From a prior official? Well he is not the only one that thinks so...
Maybe we are testing our own mega Weapon-of-Mass-Destruction that will orbit the earth & strike on any target we choose, without sending out one soldier, all from the safety of the president's desk & his little red button. The test site - for now - is on the moon. Very public, clearly announced and showing a missile orbiting the moon & striking a pre-determined spot. I'm having a Dr. Evil moment: "We won't push the red button on your ass, if you pay us one milllliiiioooonnnn dollars....."
Who knows the environmental implications that may have on the orbit of the moon or it's magnetic pull on the earth. So maybe, they want to fix a deteriorating orbit as suggested by Ask the Astronomer. Or maybe they need to correct a failing magnetic field thereby fixing the rising ocean currents in the process. Why? I don't know... but an option.
Maybe they are just so darn frustrated, because they have not found Bin Laden & those damn muslin-hate mongers to blow their ass, that they just have to pick on the next bigger thing to blow up - just to feel better about themselves.

Now theory #5 just to round things up. With a hint of sarcasm & lead by "Mr Show"...

"We have the technology, the time is now! America can and will blow up the moon now..."

This makes great TV people...

Don't you get it? America pride, know-how & tenacity."

What if, just a thought... What if nothing comes of it?

I mean, what if the hype and protest is just hype? It would definately be something that got us all worked up and then just let us down. This rollercoaster ride would have more an effect on us then the pull of the moon does.

As you can see, I can definitely imagine many scenarios, but really: Why would NASA do it?

"The Monkey demands an answer!"

Well maybe because it's there & because we can.

Dreams : Ideas Flowing Like...

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 06:01:00 +0000

I find myself sleeping in a very large bedroom. My bed, a large four-poster California King with a very cozy down comforter, looks tiny in this massive master bedroom. The master bedroom was very large and also had a beautiful wood ceiling. The walls are fine silk wallpaper and the floor is a beautiful bamboo hardwood finish. The bed, in the room, was on the right 1/3 of the room with the rest of the room furnished as a large sitting area.

As I lay there dreaming, I get the sensation of something stepping on my toes. It feels like the tiny feet of my bird Rico. Every Sunday morning, when he is let out of his cage, he flies upstairs and into my bedroom.

He jumps off my toes, walks up my leg, steps on my stomach and makes his way across my chest. This is his usual path on his way to see my face. Standing at the edge of the comforter, which I have tucked under my chin, he sits there looking at me. I am now awakened by the noise Rico makes as he repeatedly turns his head side to side to get a better look at me, with both of his eyes.

I open my eyes, and Rico is startled. He chirps and then flies off. As he flies off, there is a green, orange & brown trail behind him. At first, I thought -what the heck? - but it was green, orange & brown and its trailing as he flies circles around the room. "Hey! Wait a second, green, orange & brown?" I immediately sit up on the edge of the bed & look down at the floor where its dropping. It is tiny little lovebirds with green plumage & orange cheeks walking all over the floor. I mean tiny! They are only about a 1/2 tall and there are so many of them!

This is weird! Tiny little birds walking around with a few brown worms to boot. I am totally shocked by this and I charge out of the room to get the camera! "Nobody is going to believe this! I need some evidence." I charge down the stairs & oddly enough, my wife is sleeping on the mid-span on this beautiful grand staircase. At the time, I didn't think much of it and just kept going. But when I came charging back, she was gone.

The house was a very beautiful Spanish-style mansion - felt like one of the homes I've done. The living room where my camera was, had a 14' tall pecky cypress ceiling, marble floors and the walls were a fine Venetian plaster finish. The room was one of my designs and the ceiling was finely detailed with cross beams and very ornate trim.

When I came back to the bedroom, the raised-paneled mahogany door was closed and the lower left hand corner was spray-painted with an enamel paint. The fresh baby-poop colored paint is dripping down the wall and door and spilling onto the beautiful bamboo hardwood floor. I step over it anyway and enter the room. In entering the room, I find this room feeling weird now. "I would never design the bed right in front of the door?" I question, but soon forget this inquiry and remember what I was doing.

To my surprise, there are no little birds anymore. The only thing I see is a few brown worms coiled up like a spring. I bend down to take a macro shot of the tiny worms, when I notice the noise in the other end of the room. Instead of getting up, I look thru the space under the bed & notice lots of legs & activity in the other side of the room. I get up and there, where the sitting area used to be, now sits several drawing tables with people bustling around. It looks like a brainstorming meeting waiting on the chief art director.

So you know what comes next... my interpritation of the dream:

OK so birds flying are symbols of communication and ideas. Over on DreamMoods.com : To see a bird in your dream, suggests that a message is being conveyed to you. Birds in history are also messangers. The fact that they are circling me means, to me, that my ideas are flowing. Also the fact that the bird is pooping other birds means to me that ideas are really flowing and more communication is being generated all around.

I saw the rooms in very vivid detail so the reason I saw the living room & master bedroom this way is because this is what I do for a living. I design homes. Everything centered around this house - around my design. Then finally I discover (that in my own room) there are many people bustling around and are even having a 'brainstorming' session.

So to wrap all this together, Ideas (creating, designing) are flowing like crazy all around me. My designs are the center of where all this is happening and there are people waiting to brainstorm with me. To create new ideas and have them flow all around.

Funny enough - or maybe this is why I am interpreting the dream this way - is that I just resolved to take my design ideas and spread them a round. I just created new opportunities to share them with people around other countries and share my ideas for luxurious living. Creating spaces that inspire and surrounds the occupants with luxurious environments to fill their souls.

There was one part that seemed off. When I left the room, I returned to a spray-painted door (ruined beautiful mahogany door) dripping on the bamboo floor; the room layout was off; no birds in the room and only brown coiled worms.

So this seems to be a word of caution in the message.

To me this means to keep my eye on the ideas. Keep them flowing & don't get distracted by the 'brown worms.' Not worry or get too focused on proving ("evidence") of anything to anybody. Just do it as my heart tells me so and for the fulfillment of people's soul. Stepping up and being 'the art director' they are waiting for, will ultimately be the fullest expression of who I am and will fill my soul.

Visitaion : #15 Confirmed

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 06:10:00 +0000

Today my wife got a call that Julito passed away. This confirms the premonition I had on the 15th.

We went to visit the family & when we got there I got the confirmation of my visitation dream. The family was at peace & they were complete with the way Julito passed away. They were not crying over the loss, but were praising God for not letting him suffer and live in a long vegetated state.

Luis even shared with us that 10 years ago, Julito got ill and was ready to die. Luis' son was about to be born & Luis asked God to keep Julito around a little while longer so that he can be with his grandson. He thanked God for the additional time Julito had to spend with the family & the grandson.

They were now OK with him passing and the time had come for him to be with God. They were OK because in their eyes God had given them a sign at the hospital. A flock of pigeons started gathered outside his hospital room window the evening that he was taken to Hospice. Grays on one side, whites on another & a reddish one in the middle. Even the nurses commented on how odd that was. They've never seen the birds before today.

This was the case for a few days. But on the day Julito was to pass, the birds flew away an hour after his passing.

Visitation : #15 Another Active Dream Night

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 05:35:00 +0000

Another active dream night! Let me rephrase that... They are all active, but this night was really impactful and is visitation 15. So to go right into the dream:

I'm standing there waiting for my seminar to start. I am nervously rubbing my hands when somebody comes up to me. "Linda needs to see you right away" he says, pointing down the hall towards the end of the building where the gymnasium is located. "Right now?" I question. "Yes, In the gym. It's urgent!"

OK, so I head down the hallway, passed the double fire doors with the tiny wire-mesh glass that only gives you a glimpse of what's on the other side. I push the gray doors which seem to weight heavy to the touch. I have to push even harder just to get them to open. Once on the other side, I walk into the tiny vestibule of the gymnasium. There is nobody here so I look around to get a clue. The room is small with a low acoustical ceiling and with only two sets of doors. The choice is clear. To the right, a single narrow door leading into the coaches office, but straight ahead is a double set of doors that I assume will lead me into the gym.

I push them open and walk into a large, white, voluminous room. Everywhere there is equipment lining up the wall. Straight ahead there is a basketball hoop. To the right at the end of the room seems to be the only clear line of path. Except that its just an edge that seems to drop off. I walk over to the edge, looking for a ladder or stairs down, but none that I can find.

No way down but a slatted wall, that seems to be like a stacked set of red 'p-leather' bleachers. I am at the top of these bleachers & scaling them seems like the only way down. Down below I hear people, so it can't be that bad of a climb down.

I climb down & when I get there, I see a guy & two ladies. I know them! the figures don't look like them, but I know it's them. The guy is on the left side of this lower gym, somewhat in the distance, with his back towards me. I walk towards him and for every step I take he seems to get further away from me. I call his name to which he responds by turning his head. He looks at me in the eye & then looks away.

The older lady is on the far right corner, almost frozen with a bluish, gray parka. Definitely does not seem approachable. The younger girl is on the near right coming out of this darkened hallway. She is wearing a pale yellow knee length hooded parka. You know the kind - fur rim around the hood, wrists and hem. This one was dingy looking though. As if she has fallen in some rough, slushy puddle and splashed around in it for a while.

"Hi..." she looks up and makes eye contact for a nanosecond. Drops her sad, watery eyes and quickly dashes by me as if she did not know me. Everything seems strange - off you know...

I walk into the darkened hallway and to my surprise, there's Linda & Gladys. They have their backs to me & are talking to a man, seated on the bench. He is tall looking, with a dark blue rain coat and a clean shaven head. He looks up at me and I see a thick mustache. He looks like an agent from an insurance company or collection agency. Anyway, Linda notices him looking up and turns around. "Pablo,.... Um, this gentleman, ah... is looking for you!" Linda says startled but with a sad puppy dog look in her eyes. "What is going on?" I question. Linda steps back and almost bangs into the louvered doors. "He's asking about your Range Rover!"

"Mr Solis, can you tell me the vehicle's mileage the last time you drove it?" he questions with a serious look on his face. "What?... I guess its around 103,500... Why?" I question back, puzzled at such an odd question. "Could it be 103,597??" He asks.

"What the hell is this about?" I yell back, feeling extremely frustrated now, and not knowing why, slightly concerned. "Please step into the next room, Mr Solis... please?"

Now I am really concerned! "What is going on?" I insisted. "Please step into the next room..."

I walk into this bright, white hallway that opens up to a even whiter & brighter room with tiled walls and floor. To the right there is a empty steel table on the side. The room looks like a morgue and now with that chill running down my back, feels like one too. As I stepped into the room, there is a cold steel table with a lumpy, blue hospital sheet. I am shocked! there is a body under that sheet! it is a long, heavy looking person. The only part of the body I can see is the forehead and the bluish-gray hair on a large head. By the look of the hairline, I can tell that it's an older man.

I don't know who that can be, so I don't react in any kind of way to seeing a dead body under a sheet. It almost seems like I'm watching a TV horror show. I was very detached to what I was seeing until I step forward some more. There, in another table is a small body laying face down, not covered by a sheet and fully dressed in a black Tuxedo. I can see the patented leather shoes, the white socks and the velvet stripe down the leg of the pant. The lower torso is detached from the bottom of the jacket. Now that hit me hard! This is a little boy...

I keep scanning up the body in a slow-motion pace. The jacket is wet, and the hands are still red. I can see water droplets dripping out the tip of the hands. "Hey I recognize that hand!!" I screamed! "What the hell is going on...." The next thing I see is the head. It is severed just below the hair line. The head is full of beautiful black hair. Long, nicely combed back and gelled. The hair is parted in the middle just like.....

"No fucking way - it can't be!!" The head is turned slightly sideways & I saw that profile...

"AAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Nooooooo way!! God no this can't beeeeeeeee!!!" Not my son!!!

I scream and fall to the ground in the disbelief. "Noooo! This can't be... why didn't anybody warn me that this was the horror I am to witness..."

Things seems to fade away for what felt like hours. Finally when I became aware of where I am, I find that I am sitting up, with my head in my hands and my elbows on my knees. I am crying so much that the tears seem to have dried out. I look up and I see Linda and the bald-headed agent standing there. For a second I draw a blank, then the horror of the moment hits me. I jump to my feet and turn the severed head over. The eyes are both wide open and I see that he has blue eyes. "That's not my boy!! My son has brown eyes, so that is most definitely not him!!!!"

I run screaming of joy that it's not my boy. I run out of that building and run home to be with my son.

Now my interpretation of this dream:

First I woke myself up from the dream several times because I, obviously, did not like what I was seeing. I woke up crying my head off and feeling like my heart has been ripped out! I woke myself up to make sure this was not real. Real it did feel! The pain and anguish I felt still hits me hard.

But from past experience, I know I am dreaming and this is just a visitation. Lately the visitations have been gruesome ... So of course it looks like this. Now if you are a first time reader, this may sound cold & heartless, but if you've been reading my other posts you will see that this is like visitation 15, 16 or so. So it is no news to me that I would have this kind of dream.

I now know that It is telling me of an upcoming event that looks nothing like this. So I must take it for what it is not what it looks like or feels like.

I know that I need to analyze that dream in order to understand that message: The first thing that hits me is the repetition of the number three (3). 3 sets of doors (2/1); 3 areas - the gym, lower gym & then the morgue - (2/1). The three persons I knew in the lower gym (2 female/1 male)and then the three people in the darkened hallway (2 female/1 male). Waking into the morgue there are 3 steel tables. Again 2 occupied/1 not. Even the boy's body was in three parts.

Also the colors I saw were 3 (red, yellow & blue) - Even the gray things I saw were in 3 shades. So what does this pattern tell me?

In Numerology number 3: socially active, artistic, very positive and optimistic, playful, happy and fun-loving, inspirational, imaginative, motivating, enthusiastic and uplifting.

In Dream Interpretation the number 3 may symbolize completeness and fulfillment - for example, the resolving of conflict between two opposing psychic forces.

In Christianity: 3 is the number of the Holy Father, Son & Holy Spirit. It is completeness of who God is.

Next symbolism: It was very odd seeing, what at first I thought was my son. And then ultimately realizing that it wasn't him. This leads me to believe that it will be a family member, but not an immediate member, like my wife or son.

The gray hair is another big hint. It tells me its a male. The forehead and the gray hair, but not being able to see the face keeps it as a distant relative.

OK who do I know that is fun-loving, socially active, & uplifting distant relative. One that is currently ill?? Even making his way in life to be complete. The only person I know of is... Julito.

I pray : dear God, please keep his soul & allow him to leave this world complete. I pray that his family, left behind, is also complete and at peace with his parting. May his journey be one of peace & that he rejoice in your love.

Let the Wild Rumpus Start!!!

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 20:07:00 +0000

Inside all of us is Fear...

This is true! With the way the economy is going

Inside all of us is Hope!

It is Well with My Soul...

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 03:38:00 +0000

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul."
-- Horatio G. Spafford

I can say that it is truly well with my soul and there really is 'nothing wrong' in the overall scheme of things.

Last night my aunt Olga passed away. She had been living 15 years on dialisys for a kidney transplant that never took. This had been affecting her all these years and her body just could not take it anymore. She suffered imensely thru those years and finally, her body was hit with a brain hemmorage. She refused to allow the doctors to operate and release the pressure. She refused any and all treatments and in doing so she sealed her fate. The next day she lapsed into a coma, from which she never awoke.

I just realized that the dreams I've been having about the women submitting to their death relates to my aunt! She has been suffering too long. A prisoner to her own body, she needed to be free. By dying she is now free from the pain and the agony she must have been sufferning all those years.

Peace be with you, Tia...

Hiding Out

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 20:51:00 +0000

"There, by sharing something, I realized that I'm not alone, that there is a lot of people that share with me the same preoccupations, the same ideas, the same ideals, and the same quest for a meaning for this life."
-- Paulo Coelho

It's been a few months since I've written any posts here. Let me rephrase that - I have written them, they're there, but they sit there unpublished - just waiting for me to push the 'publish' button. So now I have lots of 'draft' posts just sitting - in bold red - there waiting to be posted.

Waiting for what, I don't know...

"You are selfish!" is what my friend Beatrice yelled at me when I shared with her what I have been doing. "Share yourself, anyway! Don't hide behind the Vail..." is what she said as she nudged my shoulder.

So here I am sharing myself. The posts have mostly been about SM, and another visitation that culminated this week, when my aunt Olga passed away. The 'Vail' I was hiding behind is that they hit too close to home. I was afraid of sharing - didn't even share it with my wife.

But isn't that why I started this blog - to share my experiences - no matter what my 'little voice' has to say about it.

So for the next day or two I will be 'publishing' my posts with their original dates. Sorry if the feed is out of order.

I'm Human Too...

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 23:31:00 +0000

i found myself at the foot of the I-95 off ramp & I am debating giving a homeless man some money. I immediately thought he's a wino, a bum - he's going to waste it on whatever BS - I think. So I said God - no judgement. I will give just because.

So the test I gave God was : if the light turns red then I will give him money. If not - then oh well... So of course! the light turns red & I stop. I open the window & call this guy over to give him a buck.

He comes over with a big smile on his face & humbly says thank you. He immediately changed my mood. He also tells me "God bless you" and says that his sign got ruined.

"I need it to tell my story." he adds.

So I asked him what is your story. "I am just a homeless man" he says "you could even call me a bum. I drink, yes I may be a wino, but I am also human. Your dollar will help me to stay alive another day. Thanks Lord."

This was a sobering thought. He was repeating the words I was using to judge him & he reminded that God does listen & talks with us! Only we choose when we want to listen to Him.

Be Still & All Will Be Revealed

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 06:30:00 +0000

Be still, and know that I am God!...”
-- Psalm 46:10

It is in the stillness that all is revealed.

Wow, last night was another crazy dream night. The theme from the previous night is the same (women surrendering themselves to their demise) but this time it was more graphic and in black and white.

In this dream, three women approach three stalls and surrender themselves to the execution. each one pulls up the skirt just above the knee and kneels down. On her knees, she crawls into the stall (scraping her knees) to be beheaded. Two of them are way inside the stall and I am spared seeing the beheading. But the third is half-way out and I get a full view of the brutality of a failed beheading.

Now I gotta warn you, this section is where it gets quite graphic! so I have hidden this paragraph. click to expand & read this...

After witnessing that level of brutality, I must call on God’s light to enter my heart and provide clarity. This is where “be still” fits in perfectly. In the mist of the graphic nature, there is a message. I am upset with myself for having these dreams. Yes, they are graphic! I sometimes even question the morbid sense of the dream. So this is where I need to draw on my inner strength and not go into the 'make wrong' aspect.

I can’t “be still” if I'm fretting about or questioning whether this is right or wrong - based on my earthly morals & convictions. I must trust and be humble so that I would be usable in His hand - after all, this isn’t for me but for His purpose.

I just simply need to “be still.” There is a message yet to be revealed.

All in Due Time...

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 04:45:00 +0000

Last night & the night before, I had some very strange dreams. These dreams were of women - mostly late middle-age women - all surrendering themselves in different ways. One was physically abused to her death & never challenged her abuse. Another stretched out her neck into the noose to be executed. Any way they all are giving in to their sentence. They were all taken away to their death sentence, but none resisted.

The other thing that was strange is that they were all asking for it - almost demanding to be killed. I don't mean asking for it - as if they were evil kind-of-way, but it seemed as if they could not bear the conditions of their lives and asked for & welcomed the end.

The other overwhelming feeling I get is that in releasing their soul from their physicality, they are doing an act of compassion. Compassion of what - for who - I do not know. I don't quite understand this feeling but it's almost as if their are sacrificing themselves for the betterment of others.

Like I say, I don't quite understand this one nor am I going to dwell in needing to understand it. I will know when the time comes.

They mostly followed orders and even gave up what they needed, for others to have. This occurred over several dreams, across several days, thru out many lives. I don't know what they are about or what they are supposed to mean.

But they had several things in common:

All the women were late, middle-age - too young to die.

All are surrendering & giving in to the inevitable.

They never complained nor even cried out in pain.

They all welcomed their end - an act of release.

They gave themselves for others - a selfless act.

But the most impactful part was that they all felt, to me, to be accepting of the fact that they are here due to their own actions. What they did has caused them to be here going thru what they are going thru. They are paying the price for letting their past be the way it was.

The question I am asking myself now - is this a prelude to another visitation? It seems to have the hallmark signs of one, but who do I know that is sick and ready to go? Who is the person leaving and letting me know that their time has come?

So I thank God for the clarity in seeing the sign and for the gift this is. I even thank him for not giving me the foresight to know who the person is, because if I knew (& this turned out to be someone close to me) then I may be too swept up in emotions to see the message clearly.

Now on to the next step. Waiting to see what the message is. Not to rush it, because the next step is the reveal of who is going to pass.

All in due time...

Today is the Day

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 21:30:00 +0000

Today is the day!! TR called me and requested time to speak with me about SM. I am a little nervous now but it is time to "face the music" (as the saying goes) and deliver to her, the message entrusted in me.

TR is a friend with whom I have shared about my 'abilities' She knows what it is I do and her first question was: "Did SM communicate with you?"

"Oh-boy" was my first thought, but this is what my dream w/SM said would happen. I shared with her that yes, I have seen him prior to his passing. "Was he wearing a dark shirt w/stripes & a Khaki slacks that night?" was her next question. "Yes, I seem to remember he was..." I replied wondering - that's an odd question. But accepted that this gave her a sense of peace in knowing the answer.

"I ask only because I have not seem SM in a few weeks and the night of his accident he was on his way to my house to spend the weekend with me..." She paused for a minute & I asked her what she was thinking. "I gave him that clothes and that night, I woke up at 1am because I dreamt he was waving goodbye - wearing that clothes." As she said these words she broke down crying. "It's my fault! If he wasn't on his way to see me he would not have died..."

"Don't say that TR, don't you ever believe that! It was his time to go..." I consoled her with a firm tone of voice. "It was the way it needed to be and there is nothing you nor I could have done to have it be different!"

"How can you be sure of that?" She questioned me as she stopped crying.
She asked me to tell her what I saw. As I'm telling her this, she stops me. "No, tell me what else did you see?" So I shared with her the experience I had of SM that night and I shared how I saw him. That his spirit started to leave his body during the middle of the seminar. I saw his spirit ascended and finally leave as he was being acknowledged in front of his peers and how he left complete, that moment, even before the accident.

"He was gone even before the accident?"

"Yes TR," I assured her "his spirit had to go & all that was left was for his physicality to complete & go to rest." This seemed to put her at ease a bit.

Well, showtime is here! this is the moment SM spoke about and I could feel her hurting heart yearning for peace. I relayed the message I got from SM:

That because of her love, he can go complete. She fulfills and completes what was not there for him. It was her love for him that allowed him to be fulfilled."

Having been loved and being 'love' was important for him in order to complete. And she gave him that.

This seemed to calm her soul and seemed to put her at ease. We continued to talk for hours and now her tone of voice was peaceful. She needs to grieve, but can now do so knowing that it was his time. Not worrying, that the accident took his life before he was ready.

We will never be ready to go, but our soul knows when our time comes.

Seeking out Inspiration

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 04:19:00 +0000

Wanted to share some quotes that have inspired me today. Inspiration comes not from waiting for it to show, but from seeking it out. Today I seek out inspiration and am inspired by what showed up.

A few quotes by Alphonse de Lamartine...

"A conscience without God is like a court without a judge."

"Experience is the only prophecy of wise men."

"Habit with it's iron sinews, clasps us and leads us day by day."

"Limited in his nature, infinite in his desire, man is a fallen god who remembers heaven."

"Poets and heroes are of the same race, the latter do what the former conceive."

"Private passions tire and exhaust themselves, public ones never."

"Providence conceals itself in the details of human affairs, but becomes unveiled in the generalities of history."

"Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated."

"The people only understand what they can feel; the only orators that can affect them are those who move them."

"To love for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic."

So what I am inspired by is that I can be larger then I know myself to be. I aspire to be infinite in my desires and be closer to God in my actions. I can love for love's sake...

What is the Message...

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 19:18:00 +0000

This morning I woke up from another vivid dream. I had been dreaming about SM & I was having a conversation with him as to why I saw him the way I did. In the dream SM never seemed to be interested in answering what I wanted to know, it was almost as if he would only explain what his purpose was. He explained that he wants his wife, TR, to know that everything is going to be OK. That his passing is as has to be & that there is nothing wrong.

See SM & TR were newlyweds and at the time of his passing they were only married 6-8 months. Of course loosing her newlywed husband is a tragic experience for TR & I asked SM "How am I going to tell her in the mist of this grief?"

SM replied "don't worry she will contact you when it's time!" This kind of gave me a sigh of relief - since I didn't have to find the right moment to tell her.

When I awoke from the dream I felt a great sense of peace & tranquility. See on the day of the accident I went down to see TR and I was there consoling her for a few hours. I knew I had to tell her how I saw SM, but did not dare. I was there for her & I had to consider what her needs were. She cried a lot and kept saying "what am I going to do without SM?"

Then during the funeral services I was holding back the urge to blurt out what I knew. I felt guilty, all that time, that I knew something & said nothing. The funeral service was gigantic - it was not the appropriate time to tell her this! Hundreds of people were there and hundreds more could not be. See SM was a powerful man & he contributed to so many people around the world. He was bigger then life & bigger then I even imagined.

Condolences poured in from all over the world. There even was a conference call for all the people that knew SM, and could be at funeral, to express who SM was for them. Interesting enough there more then 100 persons on the call. People from India, Japan, Australia and even New Zealand. That is how big his presence is in this world.

Now, with this vivid dream, I am at ease knowing that my gut feelings are confirmed - it was not the right time to tell her.

It's funny, most people (or at least the myths & tv movies) believe that 'ghosts' have unfinished business, that is why they hang around. But from my experiences, it is not them - but us - the living who keep them from crossing over. They are complete & it is time for them to go, but we have a hard time letting go. We call them back to this realm.

So anyway, the message that SM wanted TR to know, is that because of her, he can go complete. She fulfills and completes what was not there for him. It was her love for him that allowed him to be fulfilled.

Having been loved and being 'love' was important for him in order to complete.

The Soul's Purpose

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 04:41:00 +0000

I'm still thinking of SM & his passing. He passed February 8th to be exact. I was working in his group to create an event and in the process of creating the event I learned a lot from him. The event is going to start on the 26th and I wanted to back out, because SM would not be there. But you know what - it would not honor SM if I do back out. So therefore I am moving forward anyway. He would have told me to do that anyway.

There are many things that I will have as a memory of him - thanks SM for the generosity - but one thing that he always said, sticks with me the most...

"We as human beings are always given by the little voice that runs in our heads. Do you want to have an extraordinary life? Well then - thank that little voice for sharing and then get on with the task at hand - fulfilling on our soul's purpose!"

--SM

The task at hand IS fulfilling on our soul's purpose. We are driven to be bigger then we know ourselves to be. We are driven to wonder what else is out there.

The one thing that I allow to stop me is wondering if I can do it.

Well it's time to stop wondering and start living larger then I know myself to be. In the memory of SM, I am getting on with my soul's purpose. And I am taking on being bigger then I know myself to be on this event.

This I do to honor SM's stand and the space he leaves wide open.

Perception is Key

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 03:25:00 +0000

For the last few days I've been wondering why SM's visitation was so different. I've never experienced a spirit present itself like that. In the past they show up in my dreams - never in real life.

But in analyzing this visitation, what I saw that was different is only how I choose to pereceive it. See in the previous visits I've choosen to call then dreams or visions, never choosing to consider them to be my reality. I guess you could say that I was in denial that this is my gift. But SM's visitation was real!

I realized that this is not the first time that the spirit presents itself in a phusical way during waking moments. For example Valmi's Visit was a light energy (aura) in the corner of my room.

Im my mother-in-law's visit, the spirit was a physical breeze and the scent of her favorite flower, the violet, showing up in the middle of the day.

So SM's visit, what I experienced was a light energy.

I'm starting to accept that it will present itself in so many different unexpected ways. What there is to do - just accept it!

Shine On You Crazy Diamond

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 16:03:00 +0000

The common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the 'all seeing eye' pierces through, and reads the heart and the soul, finding there capacities which the outside didn't indicate or promise, and which the other kind couldn't detect.
--Mark Twain

Today I got really bad news. SM, a friend & mentor passed away! He is a powerhouse & an inspiration for me and many other people with whom he had contact. I could not accept this news so I called a friend we had in common and I asked her... "Tell me it isn't so!"

She replied "I can't do that - it is so..."

This news hit me extremely hard & I broke down and cried. I don't know why it hit me so hard. Maybe because I just saw him last night. Or maybe because it confirmed what I knew last night. I knew he was leaving.

You've heard of the expression "The eyes are the windows of the soul.." Well last night, SM's soul was exiting out thru his windows! His soul would no longer be contained within the smallness of his human package and the light could not be contained. A bright light started emanating from his collar, his eyes and from the top of his head. I knew last night, in the middle of the event, that SM's soul was departing but i did not want to acknowledge it.

SM shined last night, both literally & figuratively. See he managed the production of the event and was in charge of anything that happened with the facility and equipment. Well both the facility and the equipment acted up and of course SM took care of it. The evening was his and he shined. And I had the great honor to see him shine.

First when the lights started to flicker, SM runs out the door to manage it. I was sitting in the front row & saw his light leaving for the first time. I tried connecting with his eyes but could not see them. The light was more like a dim glow & some glare on his glasses. The building lights flickered, then shut off and then a few minutes latter they came on. When SM walked back in, he looked normal so I thought nothing of it.

Then the lights decided to alternate - one row on & nothing else, then another section & nothing else. Again SM left the room & again I tried to connect with his eyes. The glare was much stronger and looked like it was spilling around the rim. When he came back in, he looked normal again.

The third event was the building's fire alarm going off. this time it was a strong and beautiful light. I could see the light emanating from his eyes and reflected off his glasses. It was so consistent that it blocked me from seeing his eyes. All I could see is a shine around his eyes, a reflected back image on the lens and a halo around his head. Wow!

Finally, at the end of the evening SM & his crew were called to the front to be acknowledged and in that moment, before he stood up, the halo pulled off towards the ceiling.

The glow left him.

He was now complete as he was being acknowledged. He was free to go and left completely fulfilled.

Within hours his body completed it's purpose and at 10:15pm, SM was no longer on this earth. That evening SM's life was completed in a fatal car accident. He went on to shine on out in the universe...

He was an amazing powerhouse & a beautiful soul shining and giving love to everyone he met. Shine on you crazy diamond...

A Change in Everyday Conversations

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:25:00 +0000

Over the last couple of months I've noticed a change in the typical everyday conversation friends are having with me. Friend's attitutes have been changing, yes the economy has something to do with that, but people are talking differently.

A few years back conversations I was a part of or hear, people mostly talked about the things they have - a new IPod, Blackberry, Iphone, new car, new house, new projects, etc. Then over the last year mostly it has been negative conversations about how bad the economy is. People were fearful of losing their things and money - rightfully so! I am one of them, so don't think I'm critisizing, just commenting on what Im seeing.

Then in the last few months I saw a big shift! I'm hearing a different type of conversation. People are sharing of how they are dealing with the economy. One friend said:

"We are not going out as much as we used to. On the weekends, the kids used to go to the movies with their friends. My husband & I used to go out to dinner or the theater. Now we are staying home and playing board games."

Another friend shared of how life has changed for him.

"I used to go out and hang out with the guys. The kids used to do sleepovers. Now I am spending more time with the kids at home. We are actually having a sit down dinner every nights & I'm having conversatiosn with the kids."

Sure these are all responds to the circumstances of how the economy is affecting everyone, but the underlying commitment I'm hearing is of simplicity. People are going back to the simple things in life. Another friend shared:

"We are loosing everything we've had. The bank wants to reposses my car and I've had to sell my jewelry to pay the bills. But you know what I am happier now they I used to be with all that stuff. We always worried if the stuff would be stolen, If I had the same car my neighbor had. Now all that I am concerned with is the well being of my husband & the kids."

Wow! I've only been focasing on the bad side of this economic downturn, but there is always something good, or something to get out of any failure. I am getting that it is an adjustment where we can go back to what is really of value in our lives - the people around us!

A Change Gonna Come...

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 04:50:00 +0000

Be the change you wish to see in the world!"
- Mahatma Ghandi

Times are changing and lately it seems like they've being changing daily!

Most of us are not used to drastic changes happening so quickly.

The stock market's ebbs & flows no longer with the calmness of a backwoods river but lately it seems to come with the force of a hurricane.

From day to day the stock market deals with 500-600 points dips or gains. Every other day we hear of new record lows at the closing bell. 401k's, retirement plans, saving are all dwindling down to nothing. People are losing their homes in record numbers.

In the last couple of months the price of gas has gone from $4.65 per gallon to $1.87. Many major retailers are closing their stores and every large industry is now begging to get bailed out. Changes seems to be erratic but most of all change seems to be eminent.

Most of us (including me) deal with change as an unknown and fear it. We see it as a stranger and hide from it, avoid it, and worst of all resist it!

So what is there to do??

Embrace it - Am I crazy!! - What did you say embrace it??

Yes! Change is the only real constant in life and as such there is no avoiding it. But there is no fearing it too! I can adapt to respond to the change. Now the next question that shows up in my head is "What do I have to change when its' the world that is in disarray? I'm just being affected by it. It's not up to me."

Well the first thing that I say needs changing is THAT! Being resigned to the idea that it's beyond my control. This mindset only leaves me as a victim of my circumstances.

Second thing that I can change is the way that I approach life. Instead of living a life of "expectation" I can come from a world on "Intention." So for example: I've been griping that the government is violation our civil liberties and our right to freedom. I expect these to be my God-given gifts and I expect the government to grant them to me. I would rather be creating an intention of being free and at peace AND being in action to make that exist.

Third, and the most important is seeing myself as part of a bigger picture. Right now in this country, most of us live an individualistic life. We consider ourselves separate from one another and seperate from Source, God, Allah-Blessed be His name (I'll call them all collectively as God). In this way of thinking, then the things that happen to me are BIG and MY circumstances do seem to be overwhelming and difficult to deal with.

But if I see myself as one with one another, then I can see that all of us are going thru some kind of change - TOGETHER. If I am one with God, then I can see that my problems are nothing and so tiny for God's hands.

By seeing it this way I am no longer a slave to the ebbs & flows of my circumstances. I am free and at peace to be me and to be the greatness that God intended for me. But most of all I am free to do something about it!

Neale Donald Walsch on his blog says it beautifully.

There's no reason to hang out in uncertainty or apprehension or fear about the future... Learn how to use change as the greatest thing that has ever happened to you, and how to embrace loss as not loss at all, but gain."

This, in my opinion, is the only real way to deal with change. So I invite you to try it on and see how it fits for you and accept the flow of life.

That Wave is Gaining...

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 18:21:00 +0000

Another type of reoccurring dream that I've had is the Mega Tidal Wave dream.

I find myself driving down an ocean front highway. The ocean to my left with a very wide beach.

It always took us about 5-10 minutes to walk from the road to the waterline.

Today though, the shoreline seems further out. The sky is gray and the wind is unusually blowing to the east. Almost as if the air and water are being sucked out to the ocean.

I continue driving for a while, when the direction of the air shifts and seems to be coming from the east again - but much stronger. I park the car and get out to check things out.

Way out there is a haze. It's like a cloud hovering over the waves, so low that I cannot see the horizon. That's when I realize that it is not a cloud! I could not see it for what it was because it is truly unbelievable. The haze is actually the crest of the wave, but more then 80'-100' high!!

I jump back into the car and drive off. I drive south looking for the next turn off. I fly thru that turn and finally am heading away from the wave. Driving as fast as I can, the wave continues gaining on me. I'm doing 100mph and that wave is catching up as if I was standing still.

The wave is on my tail & I can no longer see the top of the wave on my rearview mirrors. Water splashing around me and that wave is now right behind me.

I know! The dreams always end this way with the wave gaining on me but never encompassing me. Now to try and understand the dream.

According to the dream 'dictionaries' Tidal Waves have to do with emotions. With my ability OR inability to deal with them. It symbolizes emotions not expressed or "bottled up" but also the tidal wave symbolizes the "clearing away of old beliefs." To dream of being caught up in a tidal wave, signifies "the strength of your emotions."

The dream is of several types. It is a Recurring Dream and a Nightmare Type and is an expression of "Your perception of the world, health, natural disasters, criticism about politics, finances, crime in the streets and your inability to control such events may sometimes lead to nightmares."

Yes, I do have worries, preoccupations with the state of our economy and the concern of where our world is going to be in the next few years.

I also can't help but to think that the dream is also a Prophetic Type of dream.

Whose Life Is It Anyway?

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 03:17:00 +0000

Yesterday my wife's car was hit as it was parked next to my house. It just sat there innocently waiting for me to take it for a ride when a young girl sideswiped it and shoved it 5' onto the sidewalk.

Sure enough the car is totalled. Broken rear axle and the front transaxle is also damaged.

Needless to say, the day did not starting out well and it just went south from there.

Two of my work computers freak out and I spent 6 hrs trying to fix them. My office VOIP phone system stopped working - but no worry it will forward to my cell phone.

And today I showed a sign of weakness. I allowed myself to think "Well, it can't get any worse then this." No sooner that the words left my mouth and...

As soon as I said that my cell phone would not work. I leave for a client meeting in a state of disempowerment. What a way to start day two of breakdowns!! On my way, about 2 miles from my destination, my car's air suspension system freaks out! Fu€k!!

"EAS Failure - Warning Do Not Drive Over 35MPH!!" The dashboard kept warning me.

I was in Ft. Lauderdale (more then 40 miles from home) and I find myself like a 'vato' driving my 'low rider machine' and hip-hopping all the way home. I was determined not to let this setback stop me! No way!!

Anyway two hours later, I made it there. I started the trip back pissed and cursing everything and everyone. But I arrived with a smile on my face and a new found peace. As I'm driving and the car hops at every bump, I find myself thinking of a skit on the "Whose Line is it Anyway Show."

Have you seen this show? It stars four comedians who are put into odd situations and they must improvise a skit on the spur of the moment. Not only do they improvise, but they make me laugh at whatever situation they are in. It's really funny to see Colin Mochrie, Drew Carey, Ryan Stiles and Wayne Brady pick up on something unexpected and just play with it.

So I see myself in this disempowered state and I see Colin making believe that he is riding in a car, sitting really low to the ground and his arm resting on the imaginary window ledge. He is going down the road without a care in the world while in the green screen behind him chaos ensues. The dichotomy and contrast is just funny. I can imagine Colin's silly smile when he finally realizes what is happening behind him.

What I saw available for me:

Well I say the question "Whose life is it anyway?" Just because circumstances are NOT what I was expecting in life, it does not mean that it’s time to freak out and let the world fall apart! In fact, it’s an opportunity to deal with the bad things in a way that empowers me.

Sure I have every right to be pissed, angry and overwhelmed - but why?? Yes, bad things happen, but I have the choice of who I am going to be in the face of chaos. Do I let that piss me off and leave me disempowered - OR - to I choose to be empowered no matter the circumstance.

I choose to empower myself and overcome the circumstances! This leaves a space available for me to take action about it anyway.

Mystic Journey (Cont.)

noreply@blogger.com (pablo) — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 19:57:00 +0000

So finally crossing this soggy bog, I am now free to find my home in the country.

Waiting there for me is my family.

The days pass and finally I reach my home. As I approach the house, I feel this energy field that is different that anything I've ever experienced before.

The background glows bright and the air is thick with a mist. The house glows as well and almost seems to be floating. This gives me a very ethereal feeling.

I find myself standing outside and unable to enter. Almost as if I'm standing at the window between this world and the other. She stands at the window and waits for me to approach. The space between us is as intangible as air yet so real that I can almost reach over that threshold and hold her hand. But this I will never do.

We talk for a while and she completes the conversation by saying "You must go! This time and space is no longer your home. It can no longer be yours. Return to your new home."

I feel a warm, internal heat filling my body and my feet no longer touch the ground. She smiles at me and I feel a sense of joy and peace flowing from her. Her peace fills my soul and I realize that she is right. I am no longer of that time and space.

"Valhalla... I am coming."

This dream comes full circle. In the First Part I do not accept the fact that I am at Valhalla. In the second part, I try to escape the inevitable outcome and run thru the clearing back across the River Styx crossing over the valley.

Now in the third part, I find her. She enlightens me of where I am and that I have crossed an ethereal plane thru which I cannot return. Her peace shows me that it is OK to return to my place as one of the chosen ones at Valhalla.

How does this relate to my present day reality? First I love mythology & Led Zeppelin therefore that symbolism. Well I have been living in the past. I have been mourning for over 8 years and that has kept me from continuing on my path. Now it is time to complete that. I have allowed the loss of my mother, my father-in-law, my mother-in-law, Pedro, Jennifer, Baby Grace and several others to eat away at who I am. I have allowed parts of me to die with them. I have lost vitality, passion for life and have dwelled in sadness for too long. Lamenting the past will not let me move forward.

Today the light at the clearing is filling me with peace. Today I am committed to living a life that is full of Passion, Love and most of all Joyfulness. This is what I choose to live this day forward.